WWE Monday Night Raw results and observations (1/23/17): Goldberg, Brock Lesnar and The Undertaker! Oh my!
This is a crucial week for WWE, as it is tasked with putting the final touches on its build for the biggest Royal Rumble of all time, which takes place this weekend at the Alamodome in San Antonio.
That task began at the Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland Monday night with Raw.
And while WWE essentially pulled all of the stops for its flagship television program, the task will continue into Tuesday for Smackdown Live.
But as for Monday, WWE put forth another solid effort.
The only thing that held the program back from being more enjoyable to watch is the same thing that prevents every episode of Raw from being enjoyable: It is too long.
I could complain about this on a weekly basis, but I would get real repetitive, real fast. However, I can't help but bring it up for this particular installment.
If WWE had less time to work with, a lot of unnecessary segments are left out and the quality of the program would go up.
I know, I know. The length of the show will not decrease simply because the fans want it to.
WWE isn't trying to torture its fans or anything. It is a business decision, as WWE makes a lot of money because of that third hour, which is something John "Bradshaw" Layfield would be more than happy to break down in plain terms for you.
And as much I want that fact to prevent me from lamenting and bemoaning about it, even every once in a blue moon, I simply can't.
With that mini-rant out of the way, here are the full match results from the house that LeBron James built:
- Luke Gallows def. Cesaro
- Sami Zayn def. Seth Rollins
- Jack Gallagher, Mustafa Ali & TJ Perkins def. Ariya Daivari, Drew Gulak & Tony Nese
- Braun Strowman, Titus O'Neil, Rusev & Jinder Mahal def. The New Day, Big Cass & Enzo Amore
- WWE United States championship – Roman Reigns def. Chris Jericho via disqualification
- Nia Jax def. Ray Lyn
- Rich Swann def. Noam Dar
Goldberg, Brock Lesnar, The Undertaker looked at each other
When I said that WWE pulled out all of the stops for this episode of Raw, I was referring to the final segment that was only supposed to only feature Goldberg, but also featured Lesnar and The Undertaker.
Goldberg was the first to the ring and had an extremely hard time getting the words he wanted to say out of his mouth. He forgot the name of the Universal title at one point and was generally out of sorts.
I guess that can be attributed to the fact that he banged his head against the door before leaving his locker room, which legitimately cut him open. He looked so silly standing in the ring with blood sliding down his head without even exchanging fisticuffs with another person.
But the fact that Goldberg banged his head against the door is silly to begin with. I just want to know one thing: Why?
Why did he need to be so psyched up for? He was only going to speak.
Paul Heyman eventually and thankfully interrupted Goldberg, which led to the appearance by Lesnar. Lesnar marched to the ring and stood merely feet away from Goldberg for the first time since Survivor Series.
The fans were buzzing, but then a familiar gong went off inside the arena. The arena then went dark and when the lights came back on, The Undertaker was standing in the ring between Goldberg and Lesnar, creating an image I don't believe has ever been seen before.
WWE has managed to keep these three men away from each other over the past few weeks, which was an intelligent thing to do. It made their brief moment in the ring together Monday night a lot more meaningful.
I saw fans on social media complaining about the fact that there was no physical altercation amongst the three men, which I completely understand. I wanted to see them fight, too.
However, that is part of the attraction of the Royal Rumble. We all have to wait until Sunday to potentially see Lesnar, Goldberg and The Undertaker fight it out in the Royal Rumble at the same time.
That is smart on WWE's part, but I can't help but wonder why the company doesn't do that for more of its high-profile feuds, especially ones that feature stars of today like Reigns and Owens.
When Reigns and Owens face each other at the Royal Rumble, it won't feel all that special because we have all seen them go at it plenty of times over the last few months. If Reigns and Owens hadn't touched since, for arguments sake, Roadblock: End of the Line, maybe their Rumble match would feel more special.
By the way, Reigns faced Jericho yet again Monday for the United States title. So there's that.
Zayn takes Rollins' spot in the Rumble
Now that sounded like a very heel-ish act by Zayn, but it wasn't, as he was forced into a match against Rollins for the latter's spot in the Royal Rumble match.
It all began when Zayn asked Raw general manager Foley how he could enter the Royal Rumble. Zayn, being the apparent dork that he is, wondered if there was some sort of paperwork that he had to fill out.
Raw commissioner Stephanie McMahon, who was not at the arena, but was speaking to Foley via speakerphone, told Zayn that was not how things worked in WWE and that he would have to win his way into the match.
She said that despite everyone before and after Zayn's query simply saying that they were entering the Rumble.
That was very sloppy and inconsistent storytelling from WWE, but I guess it could be rationalized by McMahon's disdain of Zayn and how she has so much of it that she made him fight for his spot in the Rumble knowing that no one else did.
Zayn's match, however, came with a caveat, and that was if he beat his opponent, he would take that person's spot in the Royal Rumble. That person turned out to be Rollins.
Zayn and Rollins ended up having one of the best Raw matches in a very long time, which should not come as a surprise. They are two of the best in-ring talents in WWE.
What was surprising was that Triple H's music hit during the match, making Rollins believe that he was coming to the ring.
Rollins began looking around to see if Triple H was coming, but he never did. Zayn then took advantage of Rollins' lack of focus and rolled him up for the pin to gain a spot in the Royal Rumble match and leaving Rollins on the outside looking in.
This finish made sense given the story that WWE has been telling regarding Rollins and Triple H. The sound of Triple H's music should distract him, as he has been waiting for Triple H to show up since last August. Rollins didn't look foolish.
The problem was that it would have meant a lot more if WWE didn't routinely make the rest of the roster look silly when they are also distracted by someone else's theme music playing. It happens far too often and I have grown a great disdain for it.
With that said, I liked it in this one specific instance
Two matches booked for Rumble kickoff
The one thing WWE had not really addressed until Monday night was the kickoff portion of the Royal Rumble.
One of the reasons why the so-called "big four" pay-per-views are epics longer than the Iliad is because the extra long pre-show, which is typically two hours for the bigger shows.
Well, that will be the case once again for the Rumble, as the kickoff show is slated for two hours, beginning at 5 p.m. The Royal Rumble event proper will begin at 7 p.m. and if history were to repeat itself, it will likely run until 11 p.m.
That means we will probably be treated to six hours of WWE content on one day. For some of you, that is great news. Some fans simply can't get enough of WWE and possibly want even more than that.
For people like myself, that means we're going to be in for a very long night.
WWE essentially forces you to watch the pre-show by putting matches on it and the company announced two of them this past Monday night.
WWE first announced that Sheamus and Cesaro will defend their Raw Tag Team titles against Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows in a match that will have two officials.
That was in response to the controversial finish to their title match from last week.
The second one WWE announced was between Sasha Banks and Nia Jax, who had another confrontation this week.
This time, Banks was the aggressor, as she attacked Jax with a crutch.
Well, it's the Slim Show!
The Big Show returned to television Monday night and stared Strowman down to provide even more hype for the Royal Rumble match.
However, that wasn't the biggest news coming out of Show's return. The real news was how lean he looked.
Big Show has tweeted photos recently of his new physique, including one where he showcased his suddenly washboard-like abs.
But the visual of a slimmed-down Big Show wasn't really striking until I saw him in the ring Monday night in his singlet.
As a person that has watched Big Show's entire career in WWE and a piece of his career in World Championship Wrestling, it was almost surreal to see him that lean. You have to remember, Big Show has been in WWE for 18 years come February and has never looked like that.
Big Show has cut weight before, most notably before his WrestleMania match against Floyd Mayweather Jr. back in 2008, but never to this extent.
Good on you, Big Show!