Friday, December 26, 2014

Darren Rovell reveals Ryne Sandberg letter everyone knew was fake was indeed fake

Zoo With Roy wrote up a fake letter from Ryne Sandberg to Shake Shack to address the food poisoning the Phillies manager received from the establishment just days ago.

Darren Rovell reveals Ryne Sandberg letter everyone knew was fake was indeed fake

(Original Darren Rovell image via Deadspin.com)
(Original Darren Rovell image via Deadspin.com)

Zoo With Roy wrote up a fake letter from Ryne Sandberg to Shake Shack to address the food poisoning the Phillies manager received from the establishment just days ago.

In the letter, Ryne Sandberg offers to send Shake Shack "medical documentaries" proving that "until recently," his "bowel movements have been regular and solid in nature."

At this point, at the end of the second paragraph, you're probably thinking, "Hey now; this letter about poop that is appearing only on a self-described "Phillies-centric bolg featuring nonsense" run by a cartoon penguin may not be totally legit."

More coverage
 
VOTE: Was trading Rollins the right move?
 
Phillies reportedly zeroing in on Red Sox prospects
 
Is Utley NL's best second baseman?
 
VOTE: What was the biggest Phillies mistake?
 
Follow the Phillies: Download our FREE Pro Baseball app!
 
Buy Phillies jerseys and other gear
 
WATCH: Daily fantasy baseball updates

Unfortunately, if you're thinking this, your name is not ESPN business analyst Darren Rovell.

Rovell, famous on Twitter for generating some of the more useless sports business info, bragging about 'breaking' a story on Olympic uniforms from a mall in New Jersey, and having his romantic advances rejected on national TV by Kate Upton while his pregnant wife watched at home, seems to have believed this was an attempt at fraud.

Any human being without a turnip for a brain likely read further and found even more clues that perhaps this wasn't the real Ryne Sandberg writing.

  • "There's no time for erudizing if you're energizing."
  • "Don't be afraid to sit your long-time baker down for a spell (on his "buns". LOL) and replace him with the janitor because you don't like the cut of his jib."
  • "I, quite frankly, feel this experience has made me stronger mentally, despite the noted gastrointestinal complications of my illness."

Thank you, Darren. Now we finally know the TRUTH.

 

About this blog
Pattison Ave. offers an eclectic mix of news and nuggets about Philadelphia sports and beyond. Live chats, analysis, random thoughts, viral videos, odds and ends -- you'll find it all here.

Jonathan Tannenwald Sports Producer
Justin Klugh Sports Producer
Jerry Gaul Sports Producer
Vaughn Johnson Sports Producer
Andrew Albert Sports Producer
Michael Kaskey-Blomain Assistant Sports Producer
Latest Videos:
Also on Philly.com:
Stay Connected