The Land of Dilbert

Scott Adams thought he'd use his Dilbert blog to solicit stories of bone-head bosses, conniving colleagues and unctuous underlings.

The best tale from the cube farm would run as a cartoon on Sunday, August 13, 2006. No stories about food, beverages, bathroom humor and speaker phones. "Those are overdone," he writes.

Tom Sawyer couldn't have done it any better. What Adams got from his readers was scores and scores of examples why we'd all be better off staying at home and gardening:

The boss who came to work at three in the morning, did everyone's jobs, then cut back their hours because there was not enough to do.

The boss nicknamed "The Transmitter" because she only transmits and never receives.

The boss who emails to ask that the volume be turned up on the CD player, which is closer to the boss.

The janitor who becomes too personally attached to the trash. (Do not read this example before lunch.)

The co-worker who answers "yes" or "no" question with 5-minute "I don't knows."

The colleague who sets off sound-effect toys - even when you're having a crisis.

The co-worker who drops by your cube for HOURS and sucks the life out of your day.

The non-stop giggler.

The worrier.

The guy who brought his drum set to work.

The explosive sneezer.

The man who screams obscenities at his computer.

The woman who assaults the snack machine.

Oh, wait, I've started channeling tales from my own office.