And with that, a thousand hair jokes die
Surprise! Donald Trump announced he's not running for president Monday.
Donald Trump announced he is NOT -- repeat, not -- running for president.
We are shocked, shocked! Mostly because this is in advance of the May 22 finale of Celebrity Apprentice, and Trump said he wouldn't make his apocalyptic announcement before then. Perhaps Trump was worried about the coming rapture Saturday.
"I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary and ultimately, the general election," said Trump, whose ego might be worthy of psychological study. "Ultimately, however, business is my greatest passion, and I am not ready to leave the private sector."
Mind you, the Trumpster did not make this announcement at some GOP or Tea Party confab but during the NBC press preview for the fall schedule. Glad he has his priorities straight, now that he got Obama's long-form birth certificate released.
Trump suffers from that other form of Attention Deficit Disorder, the condition that manifests itself with a constant need of certain celebrities to call attention to themselves whether they actually have news or not.
The curious architecture of Trump's hair, which has inspired an entire subset of journalism, will now go on hiatus. That is, unless you care whether country crooner John Rich or actress Marlee Maitlin is Sunday's winner. (Really, is it "winning" if you have to actually work for Trump? Are these people's careers really this damaged?)
With Trump's exit, the Republican race has lost one of its thrice-married, serial adulterers -- come on, Rudy G, there's room for you! -- and certainly the would-be candidate with the biggest gilt complex.
Perhaps we could all give America a gift, as he just did today, and stop writing about the man.
--Karen Heller