What they say when Simon says...

"If we were all perfect, we wouldn't need this show."

That's Texan Michael Sarver, who may have mistaken "American Idol" for church.

But, hey, it's country week, and that's the way they talk during country week. (Well, OK, maybe not Adam Lambert. Who really had better steer clear of Nashville, where they're probably setting up that "Ring of Fire" for him right now, since it's unlikely everyone down there's as nice as Randy Travis.)

Some other contestant back-talk during the theme night that's hardly ever as bad as some of us fear it will be:

"I've known this song since I was 8 years old," Allison Iraheta, responding to Simon's suggestion that she might've been thinking too hard about the words and not bothering to explain that eight years is, yes, exactly half the time she's been alive.

 "Simon, it's Lil!"  Lil Rounds responding to Simon's insistence on addressing her formally, by what he's apparently convinced is her full name: "Little."

 "We can move it closer," Scott Macintyre, responding to Paula's suggestion that the piano might be separating him from the audience. (Simon actually defended the sight-impaired singer, suggesting that the piano was good enough for Billy Joel and Elton John. And won bonus points for not mentioning Ray Charles.)

"Don't worry -- if I'm back here next week, there'll be a little more dirty," Alexis Grace, responding to generalized judicial disappointment about the lack of edge displayed in her "Jolene."

"I...need to clean it up," Danny Gokey, whose take on "Jesus, Take the Wheel" was many things, but not dirty. At least not in the way Alexis means. Everyone is right about that jacket, though.

 Cough, cough. Cough. That's Megan Joy, who got brownie points all around for performing while ill. "You should have flu every week," said Simon, no doubt meaning it in the nicest possible way. 

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