Seeing (All)red

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Someone has a rather high opinion of herself

I’ve been a lawyer for almost twenty-five years.  That means two and a half decades of shaking hands with other female attorneys, and for the most part I’ve come away respecting their work ethic, intelligence and moxie.  But every now and then I’ve cringed at certain members of the profession, one who do no favors to her legal sisters.  There was Marcia Clark, the only attorney in the world who could make OJ Simpson look sympathetic.  There was the View’s Starr Jones, who became more famous for the width of her frame than the depth of her brain.  There is (still) Nancy Grace who screams better than she tangos.  There was even the fictional Ally McBeal who taught us we could wear miniskirts in the courtroom and be taken seriously (according to my old boss, a Superior Court judge, we can’t.)

But no one has ever made me want to locate the nearest toilet bowl quicker than Gloria Allred.  This woman is not only a disgrace to the profession, she is an example of what happens when you mate a media-whore to a paranoid schizophrenic.  Allred believes that women are incapable of making it to Friday without being victimized, whether it’s by their cheating boyfriends or their former bosses who also happen to be running for President.  She has a habit of popping up at the side of the some of the most despicable examples of female DNA since Eve screwed Adam in the produce section.

This is the lawyer who represented Amber Frey, the mistress for whom Scott Peterson abandoned (and probably murdered) his wife and unborn child.  This is the lawyer who took on the case of Rachel Uchitel, one of the women familiar with Tiger’s Wood.  This is the lawyer who handled the case of an illegal alien who accused Ebay CEO Meg Whitman of firing her when, surprise!, she found out she was undocumented. This is the lawyer who represented a porn star who exchanged emails with Anthony “Tweet Me” Weiner.

And now, this is the lawyer who is representing Sharon Bialik, one of the women who’ve accused Herman Cain of sexual harassment.

 You just knew that once one of these women slithered out of the woodwork, Gloria would be there to greet them with a contingency fee agreement and a sympathetic shoulder.

 Now, I really don’t know whether Herman Cain did what these women said he did.  And frankly, I don’t care.  I wasn’t going to vote for him anyway, but it had nothing to do with whether he had a wandering eye.  In my opinion, he’s a great businessman, a charming raconteur, an adequate vocalist and a good Horatio Alger story (assuming Horatio grew up in the Jim Crow south.)  But he’s not presidential material, at least not at this stage.

 But I can tell you one thing.  Herman Cain is ten, fifteen, a thousand times more deserving of our respect than the red-clad native of (ick) Philadelphia who thankfully moved out to California decades ago.  She represents everything in my profession, and gender, that I despise, the attempt to mask her own need for attention behind a façade of caring , the entrenched sense of entitlement that certain professional women have, the idea that men are the enemy and so we need to fight-and humiliate-them.

And Gloria does it all in the name of feminism, asserting that her crusades for porn stars and mistresses and the odd undocumented alien are an attempt to balance the scales of justice.  She wants to help women. She cares.

 Bull-poop.  Gloria Allred has set the cause of feminism back a hundred years with her antics (not that I care, since I’m not a big fan of the bra-burners, in any of their incarnations.)  She has turned women into money-making machines for her own lucrative ends, making it seem as if they’re just poor manipulated darlings abused by the Man.  Unfortunately, it’s a bit difficult to look at a woman like Amber Frey who cavorted with a married man during his wife’s pregnancy-and tried to play dumb-as a victim.  Add “-izer” to the end and you’re a bit closer to the truth. 

 But for Gloria, the truth and nothing but is only something she learned in one of those first year classes at Loyola Law, and then discarded along with the rest of the unnecessary information that couldn’t fit into her celebrity rolodex.

 This woman is poison to my profession.  Unfortunately, the level of what we’re willing to tolerate has sunk pretty low these days, with the explosion of cable programs that value looks over substance and sound bites over sound judgment.

Gloria Allred is just Exhibitionist-A.

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