'I didn’t know what to do or how to act': A widow's story

In 2011, after a mere two and a half years of marriage, my husband Bill passed away from bladder cancer.

At first, I didn't know what to do or how to act. To me, our lives together were just beginning.

Sensing how lost I was, my sister proposed a fundraising walk in Bill's memory. Although I wasn't sure I was emotionally up to the challenge, she pushed me to join her. Together, we worked tirelessly on the project and successfully raised thousands of dollars for the Bladder Cancer Advocacy Network (BCAN).

After that, I began to rely more on my family and friends. Over the years, they have picked me up and placed me back on my feet when I most needed it, instilling in me the ability to grow and learn from my journey.

I soon realized that my husband's cancer had changed me, sculpting me into someone who understood things more deeply, hurt more frequently, cried more easily, lived more passionately and hoped more desperately.

Over time, I was able to acknowledge that sometimes cancer just happens.  It is not a cosmic test.  It is not punishment for some past sin.  It is not karma.

I can now accept that what little time we had was precious.  To me, our life together resembles a tapestry, rich and complex, woven with threads of past joys, struggles, triumphs, wonder, sorrow and bliss.

And Bill will always be part of the tapestry that makes up my life story.

My left hand is bare now. Truth be told, wearing those wedding rings was all I ever really wanted.  But when a minor surgical procedure required that I remove my rings, I realized that if I had any intention of emotionally moving forward and taking the next step into my future, they needed to be tucked away permanently.

While I have accepted my husband's death, acknowledging my broken dreams was a greater challenge.

And yet, I knew there were new doors to be opened.  Wanting to make a difference in peoples' lives, I became an advocate for bladder cancer patients and formed the Lehigh Valley-Central PA Chapter of the Bladder Cancer Advocacy Network.  I have worked to encourage the federal government and the State of PA to recognize May as bladder cancer awareness month and continue to advocate for increased funding for bladder cancer research.

Working one-on-one with bladder cancer patients, both locally and across the country, remains to be extremely important to me because it is what Bill would have done.

Through all of this I have learned that grief is a marathon journey.  For me it started with a walk, but there will be no finish line because tomorrow I will again get back up to live, love and dream.

Marge Coffin is president of the Bladder Cancer Advocacy Network's Lehigh Valley-Central PA chapter. This guest column appears on "Diagnosis: Cancer" through our partnership with Inspire, an Arlington, Va., company with condition-specific online support communities for over 750,000 patients and caregivers.

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