Gonzo: The NBA can grow - by shrinking

Inspiration strikes at odd times. Last week, it hit me while I watched a man set his shirt ablaze. At least he was smart enough to take it off first.

When LeBron James signed with the Miami Heat, Cleveland didn't take it well. ESPN had cameras set up all over the city, and for a while it looked as if James had caused an emotional riot that the Kleenex SWAT team would have a hard time suppressing. People on the street and in bars openly wept and screamed. One woman held the ends of her long locks in her hands, and her arms were extended on either side, as though she might literally pull out her hair. She didn't, which was a shame. It would have made for uncomfortable but dramatic television.

Not long after Rapunzel tried to yank out her mane, one man burned what appeared to be a King James Cleveland Cavaliers jersey. The garment incinerated faster than expected. It was almost as if he lit the city's sanity on fire in the process.

As I watched Cleveland devolve into madness, I began thinking that the NBA ought to just disband the Cavaliers and be done with it. Despite what the owner there said about winning a championship before James does in Miami, it's unlikely the Cavs will treat the town to a parade any time soon. The team is charred rubble now, best swept up and deposited in the NBA trash bin.

After all, how can the brokenhearted Cavs compete with James, Chris Bosh, and Dwyane Wade? How can the Sixers or the Knicks or the Nets, for that matter? You can't beat a super team unless you form another super team. Or several.

Which leads me to the aforementioned inspiration: the steps needed to save the NBA - a league that commissioner David Stern said was $370 million in the red last year - and create competitive balance. Try to follow along, it's complicated stuff:

1. Disband teams/contract the league.

2. Repeat Step 1.

The league has become a thinned-out mess, a weak sauce made from inferior ingredients. What's needed here is a thickening agent, a way to make the product robust and hearty and irresistible.

Unlike the NFL (which has had eight different champions over the last 10 years), or MLB (eight different champs in nine seasons), the NBA has had handed out titles to just eight different franchises since 1980. That's a three-decade span for the math-challenged among you.

All of the winners (with the exception of Larry Brown's 2003-04 Pistons), arguably, had at least one - and sometimes two or more - of the top 10 players in the league. There's no parity in the NBA, and there hasn't been for quite a while. To win it all, you have to have a superstar or several, and most franchises don't.

The best way to remedy that situation and create a competitive environment is to cut jobs, shut down the smaller markets, and cram as many high-talent notables onto the same roster as possible. Think about how dynamic the league would be with 12 or 15 star-packed franchises instead of 30 clubs rounding out their rosters with dead weight such as Michael Beasley and Samuel Dalembert. Rather than watching Miami's new trio pummel the Raptors during regular season blowouts, we'd be treated to nightly clashes between titans representing the biggest cities in the country.

Does the NBA, after all, need basketball outposts in Oklahoma City and Minneapolis, Sacramento and Secaucus (which becomes Brooklyn, and does the league want two teams in N.Y.C. anyway?). Does the sports-loving public get excited when the Clippers battle the Pacers or the Bobcats take on the Bucks?

The commissioner should keep the teams representing the biggest cities, shutter the other organizations, and then hold a dispersal draft to carve up the best talent looking for new teams. All the players left without chairs to sit on when the music stops can head over to Europe and collect fat paychecks while they sip expensive wine and eat crusts of freshly baked bistro bread. Everyone wins.

Think about it. The Cavs are all but defunct as it is. Once Cleveland collects itself, the people there will go back to staring at the lake or watching reruns of The Drew Carey Show or doing whatever it is that makes them think the city rocks. They won't miss the Cavs and neither will anyone else. It's not as though the franchise had a rich and proud tradition. Before James came along, Craig Ehlo (who got posterized by Michael Jordan) and Brad Daugherty (who has transitioned to NASCAR) were the club's primary notables. We're not talking about shutting down the Lakers.

As an added benefit, you wouldn't have to hear about some marginal talent signing an obscene deal with a team you don't care about. Jordan Farmar, for example, just got a three-year, $12 million contract from the Nets because the Nets have money to spend and need players. But if you get rid of the Nets and create a more competitive job market, Farmar suddenly can't get a three-month, $12 offer from Wawa.

All those empty arenas across the land - and right here in Philly - would suddenly be packed. Fans wouldn't cry when a superstar leaves because there would be plenty more begging for a chance to fill the void and collect a check.

It won't happen, of course. Stern would have to admit he grew the brand too quickly and hurt the business as a result. Instead, the NBA will continue doing what it does and sink itself deeper into debt. There have even been reports that Stern would love to play games in China. Travel isn't cheap. Should be interesting to see how they pay to get the players over there.