English: It's the real thing

So you're an English major. What are you going to do with that?

As an English major, I get this question all the time: "Oh, an English major. How - interesting! So what are you going to do with that? You know, there's not much money in Shakespeare!"

I'm not aspiring to be the next timeless playwright or profound novelist or avant-garde poet, although these are the professions - along with teaching, which I lack the patience for - that are most closely associated with my major of choice.

But a major in English provides practical benefits and skills for our modern world. Before you chuckle and skim the page for another, more realistic article to read, hear me out.

"You worked too hard, you ate too much, the cheesecake made you greedy. But your aching head and stomach hear this message from old Speedy: Alka Seltzer! Plop, plop, fizz, fizz. Oh, what a relief it is!" Some older readers may remember this catchy 1976 slogan. And some readers educated in the study of English may recognize the onomatopoeia (plop, fizz), rhyme (greedy, Speedy; fizz, is), and repetition.

This is advertising, by the way. Nothing more business-oriented than the public promotion of some product or service, right?

Business isn't just numbers, supply, demand, cost, sales, price. Business is also about communication, brainstorming, screening, development, analysis, fine-tuning, presentation, promotion, and the selling of a product, service, or idea. What do all of these have in common? Language.

Ken Steele of Steele Communications drove my point home in a testimonial quoted by the University of Western Ontario's English department: "Success in marketing - in any business activity, really - ultimately depends upon the persuasive and effective use of language. ... Every time I analyze a marketing campaign, I use the same mental muscles I first exercised dissecting sonnets as an undergraduate. ... Language is as essential to commerce as currency."

Still not convinced? Well, here's an example for the political junkies out there. Now, I know I won't be reaching any readers who were alive during the 1840 presidential campaign of William Henry Harrison and his running mate, John Tyler, but perhaps some will recall the campaign's catchy slogan: "Tippecanoe and Tyler, too."

Here is another example of the advantages of a mind well versed in the persuasive powers of the English language. This political message includes alliteration (the repeated Ts), rhyme (-canoe, too), and allusion (to Harrison's success, in the 1811 Battle of Tippecanoe, against the forces of Tecumseh's Shawnee tribe).

Who knew four words could have that much power?

An English major, perhaps?

Of course an English major is aware of the power of words, but emerging corporate sharks are becoming increasingly aware of it as well.

Introducing (drum roll, please) Business English! Penn State requires business majors to take ENGL202D, a course that sharpens the writing skills of those looking to enter the business world by introducing them to Business English. Business English can be defined as "the form of the English language related to business and trade." Think of it as a subdivision, a dialect, of the English language - a tongue native to and reserved for the business world.

The goal of the business writing course is to familiarize business students with this vernacular and stress the importance of communication, primarily written, in the corporate arena. The course teaches students to write clearly and concisely, use the active voice, avoid jargon, obey grammar and punctuation rules, and employ their own unique voices to set themselves apart from competitors. Assignments involve writing letters, memos, proposals, reports, and other forms of business communication.

Penn State is not the only school to realize the importance of business communication. Today, a business student's curriculum is expected to include at least one such course.

So, if you're looking for a career in advertising or law or supply-chain management or science or math or politics, maybe you should give English a chance. Come on, Just Do It.