After so much fluff, the main course

They're just bringing out the entree for the annual American Idol contest tonight, with the 13 finalists competing head-to-head for the first time. And already it seems like the longest Idol season ever.

It's not just that Fox squeezed every last advertising dollar out of the preliminary rounds, padding them so badly they resembled a playground full of kids in snowsuits.

There's also the superfluous addition of a fourth judge: the curiously one-note Kara DioGuardi. The judges' comments now take longer than the performances. And with the exception of Simon Cowell, they're all saying the same thing anyway, in their own annoying idiom.

And don't get me started on the expansion of the finalist pool. Wow, 13 this year? Aren't we lucky? I actually like Anoop Desai (his voice, anyway), but if you're going to change the rules to suit yourself, shouldn't Kendall Beard and Von Smith have been added as well?

Sure, why not the Final 15, a plausible excuse for even more two-hour Idol extravaganzas? Alert the sponsors!

Yet somehow, after that criminally extended overture, we have ended up with the most drab, talent-deprived final group since Season 3, which was made up of Fantasia Barrino, Jennifer Hudson, and 10 utterly forgettable microphone carriers.

Like it or not, somebody's got to win Season 8, so here's a critical look at the crowd and each singer's chances. (Bear in mind that handicaps of the field at this stage can be unreliable because the early front-runners on Idol often fade.)

Starting with the longest shots, here are your finalists:

Scott MacIntyre. The sweet, legally blind 23-year-old seems to be a better musician than singer. The sympathy vote got him into the finals but it won't take him far. On this show, nice guys do finish last. Idol predecessor: Jim Verraros. Odds: 99-1.

Jorge Nuñez. You have to wonder how the ungainly entry from Puerto Rico made it this far. What chance does a guy who looks like Luis Guzmán and sounds like Julio Iglesias realistically have? Idol predecessor: Corey Clark. Odds: 75-1.

Michael Sarver. Great human-interest story for this Texas roughneck and family man. The judges have been pulling strenuously for him, but they also inflicted Tatiana on us for an unforgivably long time. Good luck with the popular vote, big guy. Idol predecessor: Matthew Rogers. Odds: 60-1.

Megan Joy Corkrey. Another puzzling judges' favorite. Corkrey's sparkling blue eyes say "angel" but her livid tattoos say "trouble." The single mom from Utah has a fatal flaw: On stage she dances like a shy 3-year-old at a wedding reception. Embarrassing. Idol predecessor: Ramiele Malubay. Odds: 50-1.

Kris Allen. Little to distinguish this 23-year-old from Arkansas except his looks. Of course, with Idol's overwhelmingly female voting constituency, a handsome face can take a guy far. It's the mediocre voice that's the problem. Idol predecessor: Ace Young. Odds: 35-1.

Anoop Desai. This preppy Tar Heeler may move like a crane but he has a pleasantly soulful voice. Unfortunately for him, Anoop towers over Ryan Seacrest, which means the aggravating announcer will find some way to sabotage him. Idol predecessor: Nikko Smith. Odds: 25-1.

Matt Giraud. Killer voice and real flair on the piano. If he could sing Ray Charles' songs every week, he'd be a favorite. But not real versatile. Plus, the Michigander likes to wear hats, the kiss of death on this show. Idol predecessor: Phil Stacey. Odds: 20-1.

Jasmine Murray. This Mississippi teenager emerged from the wild-card round, which means she's already been voted off once. Has vocal potential but lacks stage presence. Idol predecessor: Paris Bennett. Odds: 18-1.

Alexis Grace. Spunky single mom from Tennessee is a dark horse. She has good chops but could get shaky as the pressure mounts. Idol predecessor: Carly Smithson. Odds: 10-1.

Adam Lambert. The 27-year-old from Southern California has a distinctive look. Sort of like one of the Jonas Brothers gone rogue. Freakishly high range, but he's a screamer. Idol predecessor: Constantine Maroulis. Odd: 8-1.

Allison Iraheta. The youngest contestant, this 16-year-old Californian is hard to figure out. Offstage she seems awkward and tongue-tied. But put a microphone in her hand and strike up the band, and watch out. Phenomenal pipes, but personality? Idol predecessor: Kelly Clarkson. Odds: 5-1.

Danny Gokey. The widower from Milwaukee jumped out of the pack from the very start with his impressive voice, poise, and professionalism. Not surprisingly, he is, at 28, the oldest competitor. That's long in the tooth by Idol standards. But in his case, experience is an asset. Idol predecessor: Elliott Yamin. Odds: 3-1.

Lil Rounds. Both an emotional and a logical favorite, this mother of three from Memphis is ready for her close-up, Mr. Cowell. No doubt about it, this gal can sing. The whole package. Idol predecessor: Fantasia.

There you have it, America. Vote early. Vote often.

Television

American Idol

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