Tattle: Sponge bath, Mr., Uh ...?

WELL, WHO could have ever imagined that it would take rapper

DMX

to out-think the combined wisdom of experts in the field and figure out how to cut the personal cost of health care in America?

He gave the doctors a phony name, so they couldn't bill him. That, at any rate, is the charge laid against him in Arizona, where DMX - real name: Earl Simmons - is said by authorities to have signed into the Scottsdale Mayo Clinic under the name "Troy Jones."

And, by doing so, allegedly ducked $7,500 in med bills. He was arrested over the weekend outside a Phoenix mall, and charged with taking the identity of another, a felony except in comic books and soap operas.

The shock was not that he was arrested, but rather that he'd gone a whole two weeks without having been arrested. For those keeping score at home, the busy Arizona cops have tossed Simmons/DMX/

Jones into the hoosegow on May 7, May 9, June 23, June 27 and July 2 of this year. He's like a SAT math question: Based on this series, when will DMX be arrested again?

_ As you can see from the chart above, "The Dark Knight" took in a record $155.34 million in its first weekend. That topped Hollywood's previous best of $151.1 million, set by "Spider-Man 3" in May 2007. Factoring in higher admission prices, however, "Spider-Man 3" may have sold slightly more tickets than "The Dark Knight." At 2007's average price of $6.88, "Spider-Man 3" sold 21.96 million tickets over opening weekend. Box office tracker Media By Numbers estimates today's average movie prices at $7.08, which means that "The Dark Knight" would have sold 21.94 million tickets. Holy technicalities, Batman! *

Daily News wire services contributed to this report.