Life imitates 'toon: Enter Kwik-E-Mart

BURBANK, Calif. - "Welcome to Kwik-E-Mart!"

It was about three weeks into a mega-marketing campaign that has transformed a dozen 7-Elevens around the country into the yellow-and-orange cartoon convenience store featured on "The Simpsons."

The greeter's smile looked a little worn as he stood behind the counter near a large plastic cutout of Apu (owner of the store the Simpsons frequent), waiting for his next Squishee sale.

About a dozen people ranging from a 7-year-old boy wearing Crocs to a couple of middle-aged women in suits browsed the Burbank store's aisles for talking Homer beer mugs, Ned Flanders bobblehead dolls, and iced cookies shaped like Homer and Marge.

The Squishee machine was drawing the most customers, who filled cups featuring a smiling Lisa - or a nude skateboarding Bart - with wild cherry, cola or Blue Woo-Hoo! Vanilla flavor.

Nearby, a large display of hot-pink Sprinkalicious doughnuts wasn't attracting many takers despite it's being morning - and despite a sign saying, "Go ahead! They're not called don't nuts."

Outside, a guard hired by 7-Eleven to control the anticipated crowds stood alone next to a poster of Apu that said, "Thank you for loitering. Please come again." She said customer lines snaked around the corner on weekends, but things tended to slow down on weekday mornings.

Also near the door was a handwritten sign warning people that there were no KrustyO's, Buzz Cola, Duff Beer or comic books in the store. "ONLY WHAT YOU SEE ON THE SHELVES."

Kwik-E-Mart sites include Times Square in New York, Las Vegas, San Francisco, Chicago and Bladensburg, Md. The one in Burbank is closer to NBC than it is to Fox, the studio that produces "The Simpsons."

On the other side of town, at the Beverly Hills Four Seasons, however, the Murdoch network was doing its best to immerse reporters in all things Simpsons in the days leading up to tomorrow's movie release.

The film's hospitality suite was stocked with Buzz Cola. PR reps were urging everyone to try out the Simpsonizer machine, a mall-like photo kiosk that snaps your photo, then uses digital software to create a Simpsonized version of yourself. (Try it out at www.simpsonizeme.com.)

Back at the Kwik-E Burbank a few hours later, the lines had returned, and they were letting only two or three additional people enter the store at a time.

Inside, a mother clutching a $12.99 Kwik-E-Mart baseball cap steered her adolescent son through the crowds and away from a display of Simpsons Monopoly games. At $32.99, "it's too much," she said.

It was lunchtime, and the hot dogs were still selling faster than the frosted doughnuts.

"Thank you," said the clerk as he folded one into a wrapper featuring a smiling Homer. "Come again!" *