Q: I met a man through a friend who used to date him herself. I've been seeing him for three years. He and I get along great. We have even been talking marriage. The only thing is that my friend and him talk all the time. I know there's nothing going on between them, but I still don't like it. Once we are married, I plan on putting a stop to it. But how do I handle this in the meantime?
Mia: Girl, get a life! You're insecure. You need to work on boosting your self-esteem. Develop more interests and friendships outside your primary relationship. Maybe then you won't be so jealous. As for stopping them from communicating after your marriage, good luck with that. All you're going to do is force them to keep their interactions secret. Is that really what you want?
Steve: What you see is what you get. If you think marrying a guy will suddenly change him, forget it. Mia's right. Love him and trust him. If you can't do that, then it's best not to marry until you grow up a bit more.
Q: A good friend of mine lost his wife more than a year ago. He's lonely and wants to find romance again. I have some single female friends who are his age, and I told him I would be happy to introduce them. He said, no, he needed a woman who was at least 10 or 20 years younger than he. Women his age (57), he said, don't like sex anymore. That can't be right, can it?
Steve: Sex drive is as varied as car driving. Some love driving as fast as they can as far as they can no matter how old they are, while others prefer taking the train as they read a book and sip a Manhattan. To each his/her own. It is true that males and females lose sex drive as they age. That's why men invented Viagra. (Don't ask why men didn't try to help women before themselves.) Really, though, you're focused on the wrong thing. Something that doesn't fade with age is love. Have your pal focus on that, regardless of the woman's age. If he meets the right woman, and they fall in love, the sex will take care of itself.
Mia: Why would a 37-year-old be interested in a sad, lonely 57-year-old widower? Dude would have to be bringing in major bank or have six-pack abs to attract the attention of a vibrant woman in the prime of her life. He would probably fair better with a 47-year-old divorcee, but still. My advice to you is to back off. You're sweet to want to help, but he's got to find his own way. Besides, do you really want to be all up in dude's sex life?