Dumb lines won't attract women

Q: I've given up on Internet dating and decided to try to date women I meet at public events, bars, parties, etc. Can you suggest any good pick-up lines?

Steve: I used three lines in my bachelor days: "Don't I know you?," "What's your sign?" and "Pleasure me, lusty wench!" In 20 years of being single, none of these lines worked even once. So I'm going to have to defer to Mia on this one.

Mia: Lines? Really? Just say, "Hello." Meeting someone isn't a game or something you try to trick someone into by saying something slick. Be yourself. And don't take down your profile. It's the best way for singles to expand their search and make multiple connections.

Q: I have been locked up for nine months. My girlfriend has been supporting me with visits and letters for most of that time. Then it all stopped last month. We have talked on the phone, but it's not the same. She tells me she loves me, but I don't think she means it. I think she is seeing someone else and still trying to hold onto me. Can you please give me some advice?

Steve: The best thing you can do for your sanity and your life is to put her out of your mind and focus on completing your sentence.

Work as hard as you can to come out a wiser, better-educated and healthier person. Take advantage of all the services offered to help you achieve those goals. If you do that and land a job when you get out, you will have no problem finding a relationship, whether with your current girl or a new one.

Mia: Um, Steve, what planet are you on? It's tough for convicted felons to get jobs. But back to the letter writer.

I suggest you don't try to hold onto her by writing needy letters and begging her to visit. Instead, when you hear from her, be upbeat and charming. Don't whine or make her feel guilty. Ask her about her life and really listen, instead of talking about your legal woes. This may not get her back, but at least you may maintain the friendship.

c/o Daily News, 801 Market St., Philadelphia, PA 19107.