'World War Zzzzzz'

"WORLD War Z" introduces us to a new theory of evolution: Survival of the Pittest.

Apparently, when a plague erupts, certain movie-star people have a competitive . . . Bradvantage.

For example: In the movie's first scene, Brad Pitt is driving his family through downtown Philadelphia when suddenly there's a zombie outbreak (or a really out-of-control Mummers parade).

Panic creates gridlock, broken by a runaway dump truck that smashes its way through (and over) the terrified throng of motorists. Brad pulls in behind the truck, like a halfback following a pulling guard. Comin' through!

And that's "WWZ" in a nutshell. Countless expendable human beings sacrificed for the new Darwinian imperative - making sure that nothing bad happens to Brad.

Turns out he's in no mood to return the favor.

He's a retired U.N. trouble-shooter who's offered the pressing job of locating the source of the virus that's turning people into gnashing, sprinting, Danny Boyle zombies.

"WWZ" Brad says no.

In this he has the full backing of his wife (Mireille Enos), who is unhappy with his employment history at the U.N. (long hours, hazardous working conditions).

This, by the way, is after the U.N. drops everything to evacuate "WWZ" Brad via chopper from a zombie-infested Newark apartment building, where a family of poor Latinos has already sacrificed itself so that he can reach the roof.

Only after it's explained to Brad that he's certain to die along with the rest of mankind, does he commence his around-the-world virus investigation, during which his personal security team includes the armies of the United States and Israel. At one point, the crew of a Russian passenger jet picks up Brad just ahead of a zombie swarm and immediately seats him (wait for it) in first class.

Oh, and wait 'til you see what happens to the people seated in coach - it's like a mini-movie designed to illustrate the worst fears of the One Percent.

I'd like to report that "WWZ" is the weirdest, most star-addled movie in history, but it's not even the weirdest, most star-addled movie this summer. That would be "Oblivion," in which the entire earth is evacuated for the benefit of Tom Cruise.

Cruise, at least, managed to work up some sympathy for the stragglers. Pitt has to be dragged into saving people, all sour and resentful, like he's mulling the script of "Oceans 15."

There's really not much to like about "WWZ" Brad, who behaves as though he's in some amoral inversion of "The Impossible." Early on, he steals a recreational vehicle to drive from Philly to Newark, and keeps the rifle he finds inside. How'd you like to be the non-famous dude who goes looking for his RV during a zombie invasion and sees Brad Pitt driving off with his guns and ammo?

It speaks to "WWZ" Brad's air of entitlement. Later, he throws a big fit when he finds out that his family has been moved from the Bahamas to Nova Scotia.

At least they're not back in the states, where, Brad tells crestfallen soldiers, there's not much left.

On the whole, he implies, you'd rather not be in Philadelphia.

Online: ph.ly/Movies