IT TURNS out that "Captain Phillips" didn't need the U.S. Navy to defeat a small band of Somali pirates.
All he needed was Britney Spears.
London's Daily Mirror reports that Britney's hits are being blasted at the seafaring Somalis because they can't stand her music.
Or it's a clever lure to her upcoming Las Vegas show.
"Baby One More Time" and "Oops! I Did It Again" appear to be the most effective sonic weapons.
"These guys can't stand Western culture or music, making Britney's hits perfect," said merchant naval officer Rachel Owens.
Or maybe they just don't like old Britney.
"The speakers can be aimed solely at the pirates so as not to disturb the crew," Owens said.
"They're so effective, the ship's security rarely needs to resort to firing guns - as soon as the pirates get a blast of Britney, they move on as quickly as they can."
* An Iranian court has sentenced 24-year-old actress Pegah Ahangarani, known for her reformist political activism, to 18 months in prison on security charges, newspapers reported yesterday.
It's another sign of why it's great to be an American.
The reports came a day after authorities ordered the closure of the pro-reform Bahar daily for publishing a commentary on the prophet Muhammad, citing a law authorizing media closures over articles deemed to violate Islamic values or insult Islam.
Ahangarani, who has appeared in about 20 films, has been detained twice since the protests in 2009 over the disputed re-election of then-President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, but she was released without publicly announced charges. Since 2011, she has been banned from traveling abroad, although her film "Darband" is currently showing at the Chicago Film Festival.
* The Silicon Valley home where Apple co-founder Steve Jobs grew up and built some of his first computers is now on the city of Los Altos' list of historic properties.
The house now can't be modified without review. It can become an iSore.
* Former NBC News president, and Philly guy, Steve Capus, is taking time for a passion project: Getting Yes into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Capus is collaborating with two political pros on an awareness campaign for the band that enthralled him when he attended their concert as a 16-year-old in Philadelphia in 1979.
Yes will make it, Steve. They're just getting there via a "Roundabout" way.
* One group that probably won't get into the Rock Hall: The Jonas Brothers.
They are officially disbanding and will no longer be brothers.
* Mia Farrow, meanwhile might like to split from her brother.
John Villers-Farrow has been sentenced to 10 years in prison for sexually abusing two boys in his Maryland neighborhood.
Anne Arundel County Circuit Court Judge Laura Kiessling sentenced Villers-Farrow on Monday to 25 years in prison with all but 10 years suspended.
The 67-year-old businessman, husband and father was indicted after two men accused him of sexually abusing them between 2000 and 2008 when they were children. Prosecutors say Villers-Farrow began abusing one boy when he was 9 years old and the second when he was 8.
Villers-Farrow, who maintained his innocence by entering an Alford plea, still apologized to the victims . . . who were not in court.
* Authorities say they plan to issue safety citations following the death of 31-year-old acrobat Sarah Guillot-Guyard in a Las Vegas Cirque du Soleil performance this past summer.
Officials say they've wrapped up their investigation into the death of Guillot-Guyard, who fell 94 feet to the floor when a wire rope she was suspended from was severed due to her rapid descent.
The Occupational Safety and Health Administration proposed six citations for Cirque du Soleil Nevada and three citations for the MGM Grand, where the performance took place. Both entities can appeal.
The show, "Ka," was halted after the acrobat's fall, and reopened 17 days after her death.
* The Los Angeles Times reports that Bob Barker will present a special showcase on the Dec. 12 episode of "The Price Is Right."
It will be the retired game show legend's 90th birthday.
* Series creator Doug Ellin says a long-planned "Entourage" movie is finally "a go."
Ellin tweeted the news Monday evening, along with a photo of himself and the cast arm-in-arm. The film is expected to begin production in January.
* The Morrissey memoir show will soon arrive in the U.S.
Penguin Random House announced yesterday that Morrissey's Autobiography has been acquired jointly by three of its imprints. G.P. Putnam's Sons will publish the hardcover Dec. 3, while Penguin Classics will handle the paperback edition at a date to be determined.
The book is No. 1 in England.
British reviewers have been divided over the tome by the Smiths' former front man. Rock critic Neil McCormack gave it a five-star review in the Daily Telegraph. The Independent's literary editor, Boyd Tonkin, however, wrote that he was tired of Morrissey's "droning narcissism" and "puerile litany of grievances."
Gee, those sound like the criticisms Tattle gets every day.
- Daily News wire services
contributed to this report.
On Twitter: @DNTattle