I HAD an idea of using a cellphone to take a picture of my, um, babymaker to illustrate this column.
An uptight editor said it wasn't a good idea to reveal my "business" to readers, and, besides, it's too small to show up well. (Thank you for that joke, Howard Stern.)
So, maybe Willie Singletary needs an editor, and that's something I usually wouldn't wish on a horned toad.
Singletary is accused of being a horny toad. Until recently a Traffic Court judge, he allegedly took a picture of his junk and was so impressed with his photographic skills that he showed his wee willie to a co-worker - another government employee.
A female government employee, who was more impressed by his gall than his penis.
She filed a sexual-harassment complaint, and the judge was marched out of his own court by a couple of cops. (No word if he was wearing pants under his robes.)
If Singletary had an editor, he might have been told, "Willie, you can't offer a photo-op to a female staffer. She is not a meater-reader. You are not Brett Favre and she is not a Jets cheerleader. You are not Rep. Anthony Weiner. You are just a dude in a plain wrapper who has a habit of stepping in doggie doo."
But there was no editor.
Nor was there an editor in 2007. While campaigning (and fundraising) to run for Traffic Court, he told one group that if they gave him money, he'd take care of them. It would have been bad enough if he had said this to his congregation - he was a pastor at a West Philly church - but he was talking to a motorcycle club.
You can't make this stuff up.
He was elected anyway, and although the Judicial Conduct Board later found him guilty of misconduct, nothing happened because he wasn't a judge at the time of the offer. The Bar Association could not discipline him, because he is not a lawyer. (Traffic Court judges don't have to be lawyers.)
I am not making any of this up.
Nor this: Before he was elected, he had amassed dozens of traffic violations, totaling more than $11,500, which led to his driver's license being yanked.
How's that for judicial temperament?
For his pictorial, Judge Singletary was suspended earlier this month without pay. That's pre-judgment and wrong, because anyone who is only accused should not be suspended without pay because he's first entitled to his day in court, or, in his case, a trial before the Judicial Conduct Board. He might have an air-tight alibi.
I wanted to hear Singletary's side, but his lawyer nixed that.
I wanted to know how he ran up 11Gs in tickets and was not booted by the parking authority, which qualifies as a miracle.
I am curious about how a guy like the judge gets so full of himself that he thinks his pecker is proper co-ed viewing. (If he did it.) I'd like to ask former Rep. Weiner the same thing, plus Favre and any other himbo too in love with his own naughty bits. (Thank you, Monty Python.)
I am trying to imagine Singletary's defense.
A) It wasn't me. It was my evil twin.
B) It wasn't my cellphone. It was a loaner.
C) It wasn't my poker pictured. It was a loaner.
D) I was high on Yoo-Hoo.
E) She told me she was a Free Willy fan.
F) The devil made me do it.
Singletary will need a good story to beat off the visuals.