There was so much love yesterday. So much red-rosed, red-velveted, red-boxed, red-bowed, crimson-lip-glossed love!

Love makes a fool of us all, especially those fragile beings, celebrities. Some nights, you can smell their delusion. (The nights they create Immortal Works such as "Love Stinks.")

Love makes us into sacrificial lambs: Feb. 14 was the day Saint Valentine was beheaded! Love is drenched in blood.

(And regret. Can't stop mourning for that One Lost Love.)

So it's so cool that the one guy who shocks and mocks for a living, who jeers at the misfortune of others and asks peanut-brained girls to strip, has been so smitten by Cupid's arrow, he's revoked his vow never to marry again and proposed to his gal pal. Beaming (booming) on his Sirius Satellite Radio show yesterday, 54-year-old divorcé Howard Stern told the audience he gave his longtime g.f., Beth Ostrosky, 34, a 5.2 carat diamond ring. To intensify the grandeur of the moment, he said he ordered her to strip for him first. (Oh, how Howard!). A date has yet to be set.

Beyoncé in swimwear

Case you missed the pr blitzkrieg:

Beyoncé Knowles

graces the cover of the '07 Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. And 'case you don't get the obvious: She looks hot.

B. shared about the blood 'n' sweat work required. "It takes a lot of guts. I'm really a shy person," she said. "But . . . as a musical performer, I'm playing a character. I had to tap that same character." (Gotta cherish that mellifluously singing, bootyliciously thesping, swimsuit-modeling character!)

B. said she relaxed into a sexyfunky mood for the photo shoot by listening to John Legend. Beyoncé's feat is a first: She's the first non-athlete or non-model to be the main cover attraction.

Swimsuit history

But face it, Beyoncé owes it all to

Tyra Banks

, who a decade ago became the first black model to appear alone on the cover of the swimsuit issue. (Took till '97 for that to happen? Dude, that's

wrong

.)

Banks and SI will mark the 10th anniversary with a pictorial which re-creates Banks' very first SI shoot . . . Except, um, that, according to Banks, her old swimsuit makes her look "like a stripper."

Seems that over the past decade, the suit shrank - or not: "I was about 140 pounds on that cover," Banks says, "I'm 161 now."

The Scarlett letter

Film siren

Scarlett Johansson

, who puts the

siren

back into

film

siren, sits atop Playboy's annual 25 Sexiest Celebrities list. Sexiest. But perhaps not the most beautiful? Check:

When the sometimes menacing, seraph-faced Jonathan Rhys-Meyers compliments her in Match Point, Scarlett's character shoots back, "No, I'm not beautiful. I'm just sexy." And she actually makes this sound sad, self-deprecating. ("No Scarlett, you are beauty itself!")

"I'm just sexy," she says. "It's my sister who's classically beautiful."

Cox: No tongues involved

In an interview on the syndicated Ent show

Access Hollywood

, set to air last night,

Courteney Cox

(who has aged so sexy since her

Friends

debut) demythologizes the anticipated, reportedly so-hot-it's-to-die-for lesbian kiss she and bud

Jennifer Aniston

will share on the March 27 season finale of Cox's celeb gossip soap opera,

Dirt

.

"There is no tongue," Cox says. "If you think it is just about a major make-out session, you will be disappointed."

Might as well die, right? But Cox doesn't want you to die. Not really. She says, c'mon silly, tune in "to watch Jennifer on the show because she is fantastic and you get to see us together again."

Another Brick in the Wall . . .

"

Roger Waters

. Wachovia Center. June 1, 2007." That's the writing on the wall - well, on this jumbo-sized,

really

heavy

brick

the folks at Comcast Spectacor sent as part of a news release.

The Pink Floyd

dude will tour with a wigged-out playlist:

Dark Side of the Moon

in its entirety and select songs from other Pink records. Tix, at $56 to $128, go on sale Saturday at 10 a.m. Info: ComcastTIX.com, 1-800-298-4200 or the Wachovia Complex Box Office.

So, what to do with this p.r. brick . . .

Morgan's guilt

Actor

Tracy Morgan

pleaded guilty yesterday in Manhattan Criminal Court to a misdemeanor drunken driving charge stemming from a Nov. 28 stop during which he failed a Breathalyzer test.

Morgan, who was a Saturday Night Live player from '96 to '03, has been ordered to enter a doctor-supervised alcohol program, do a community service stint (to be determined later) and pay $1,000 in fines. The judge also suspended Morgan's driver's license for six months and warned him to avoid arrest for six months.

Contact "SideShow" at sideshow@phillynews.com.

Inquirer wire services contributed to this column.