IF

ANNA NICOLE SMITH

had been on a prescription-drug plan like the one here at the

Daily News

, she might be alive today.

There is no way Medco would have kept approving prescriptions at the dizzying rate Anna Nicole was filling them.

The reason she was able to get so many pills is in part due to Dr. Khristine Eroshevich, a psychiatrist/friend of Smith's, who was with her in Florida and authorized all eleven prescription medications in the Florida hotel room where she was found unresponsive shortly before her death Feb. 8. So says the Broward County medical examiner.

More than 600 pills were missing from prescriptions that were no more than five weeks old, according to public records obtained by the Associated Press.

It was unclear if Smith had been taking all of them. It is clear she took too many of them.

Dr. Joshua Perper, Broward County's M.E., said two other docs also prescribed Smith drugs, but those meds were not found in her hotel room.

None of the 11 drugs were in Smith's name. Eight were prescribed to Howard K. Stern, Anna Nicole's lawyer-turned-leech. Info released by Perper's office shows one of the meds was under Eroshevich's name and two were under the name of Alex Katz, who is either an alias or someone connected to Smith.

Here are the scary numbers:

_ Chloral hydrate, the sleep medication blamed as the leading causing of Smith's death, was prescribed Jan. 2. About two-thirds of the bottle was gone, according to records, which also show 62 tablets of Valium missing from a two-week-old prescription.

_ Records show Smith had two prescriptions for the muscle relaxant carisoprodol, prescribed Jan. 2 and Jan. 26, and one for methocarbamol (aka Robaxin), prescribed Jan. 2. Some 415 of the carisoprodol pills were missing as well as 33 of the Robaxin pills.

_ Also missing were 79 tablets of anti-seizure meds Topomax and Klonopin and at least two dozen diuretics, antibiotics and antivirals.

Amazingly, the documents did not mention the methadone or the Ativan found in Smith's system. Nor was there mention of who prescribed Smith human growth hormone, which she was said to have been taking about the time of her death.

Calls to Eroshevich were not immediately returned yesterday, which is unfortunate because Tattle is running low on Vicodin.

Where's Papa?

Larry Birkhead isn't the father. But is James Brown?

Tomi Rae Hynie, who claims to be Brown's fourth wife, has chosen Charleston attorney Stephen M. Slotchiver as a special guardian she wants appointed for her son, the first step in determining the child's paternity.

Brown's trustees have already presented their list of attorneys to serve as the special guardian. A court hearing to choose the winner has been scheduled for later this month.

Hynie, a former backup singer for Brown, and the young son were not included in the singer's will. Brown died Christmas Day in an Atlanta hospital.

Philadelphia Film Fest report

Dan Gross reports Paul Rudd ("The 40-Year-Old Virgin") will appear with director David Wain as the Philadelphia Film Festival opens tonight with two screenings of "The Ten," at 6 and 8:30 at the Prince Music Theater (1412 Chestnut). A few tickets at $15, remain. The comic look at the Ten Commandments co-stars Winona Ryder and Jessica Alba.

Keith, you big tease

Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards yesterday said he was joking when he described snorting his father's ashes along with a hit of cocaine.

"It was an off-the-cuff remark, a joke, and it is not true. File under April Fool's joke," said Bernard Doherty, a Stones spokesman, about Keith's quote in NME magazine.

But NME said on its Web site that the remark was "no quip, but came about after much thinking" by Keith.

In a statement posted on the Stones Web site, Richards said:

"The complete story is lost in the usual slanting! The truth of the matter is that I planted a sturdy English oak. I took the lid off the box of ashes and he is now growing oak trees and would love me for it!!! I was trying to say how tight Bert and I were. That tight!!! I wouldn't take cocaine at this point in my life unless I wished to commit suicide."

HMOh-oh-oh coverage

Bangshowbiz.com says porn megastar Jenna Jameson, so good in "The Masseuse," has had plastic surgery on her vagina.

This could be the porn star equivalent of changing your tires every 40,000 miles.

The bad news is that Jenna is reportedly not happy with the results (Huh? Is she peeing out of her hip?) and she is now planning re-corrective surgery.

"She underwent a vaginoplasty conducted by a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon, and she is very unhappy," an unidentified source told the New York Daily News. "She has decided to hole up and not speak to anybody."

Yes, the source really did say "hole up."

* In sort of related news, curvy Scarlett Johansson is on a no-nudity kick according to Britain's Daily Express.

And Hollywood wonders why movie attendance is down.

The nude scene ban may have to be negotiable, however, if Scarlett lands the lead role in the adaptation of Jenna Jameson's autobiography, "How To Make Love Like a Porn Star."

Bangshowbiz.com says Scarlett is hot for the role and thinks it could lead to Oscar glory.

Alas, in this film that would be Oscar the horny deliveryman who bursts in on a lesbian three-way and satisfies the trio with his golden statuette. *

Daily news wire services contributed to this report.