A resort of unending indulgence

By William Ecenbarger

For The Inquirer

FARMINGTON, Pa. - Somewhere between the 14th and 15th courses, we consider fashioning our napkins into white flags and waving them. We've been here nearly three hours, and our senses have piled up and backlogged. We know we will only be able to sort them out in the morning.

But then No. 15 arrives - the foie gras roasted pear - and it's so good it makes our tongues smile. From here, it's downhill - the passion-fruit tapioca, the chocolate hazelnut pudding with beer-flavored ice cream, and (drumroll, please) the 17th and final course, the Meyer Lemon Concentrate.

This is the "Grand Tasting Menu" of the Lautrec Restaurant at the Nemacolin Woodlands Resort, about 10 miles southwest of Frank Lloyd Wright's Fallingwater in the Laurel Highlands of western Pennsylvania. There are a staggering number of things to do here - golf, swimming, tennis, archery, a spa, clay-target shooting, fly fishing, off-road driving lessons, a climbing wall, an equestrian center, a wildlife academy, skiing - but the leading attraction is the food. Indeed, the Lautrec is one of fewer than 50 restaurants in the country to receive the American Automobile Association's Five Diamond award.

Our gastronomic aria began with white chocolate caviar and moved on to such delicacies and odd combinations as celery root with red curry custard, cod with charred onion and pine nuts, prawns with fennel, and truffle fettuccine. The courses were bite-sized and served unpretentiously at a table sparkling with silver and crystal and aglow with candles. Some 3 1/2 hours and several thousand calories later, we struggled to our feet.

Nemacolin - named for the Delaware Indian chief who blazed a westward trail in 1740 that passes right by the entrance - is a 3,000-acre, multifaceted resort developed by Joe Hardy, founder of one of the largest lumber supply businesses in the country. Hardy, who is 86 and lives on the resort grounds, bought the facility in 1987 when it was a corporate hunting retreat for the Rockwell Corp. Hardy then set about developing his own version of Disneyland.

The most jarring aspect of Nemacolin comes as you approach it through the Allegheny Mountains. Rising out of the woods, as suddenly and unexpected as a snowstorm in August, is a French-inspired chateau that Hardy decided to build after visiting the Ritz Paris. The superlatives about the Chateau Lafayette are many, but let's settle for this: Each of the 124 rooms, plus the hallways and public spaces, has Waterford crystal chandeliers. Two employees are assigned full-time to clean them by hand.

Joe Hardy's eccentric personality is everywhere, beginning in the lobby, with a portrait of him slouched in a chair smoking a cigar.

The next morning, the composer of the previous evening's gastronomic aria, Dave Racicot, gives us a cooking lesson. He's chopping fennel left-handed while offering gems of culinary wisdom.

Thwack! Thwack! "Frozen shrimp is better than fresh. The fishermen have to stay out for days to make a profit, and so by the time they get back to the dock, a lot of the fresh shrimp isn't really fresh."

Thwack! Thwack! "Frozen peas also taste better than fresh." Thwack! Thwack! "Things taste better if they're allowed to cool off. Piping-hot food doesn't taste as good." Thwack! Thwack!

Fifteen minutes later, he produces, without fanfare, three bowls of fennel soup. Sipping experimentally, he smiles and says, "Fennel soup makes me smile. I rarely like anything I cook, but this one I do." We also sip and smile.

We ask for recommendations for Nemacolin activities, and Racicot suggests the Off-Road Driving Academy.

An hour later, I am behind the wheel of a Hummer, bouncing through the woods on a muddy, tree-strewn, two-track trail. Over the bullying roar of the engine, instructor Tim Baugh tells me that some football players on the Pittsburgh Steelers come here in the off-season to "blow off steam."

First stop is the Rock, one of two man-made obstacle courses, featuring a 60-degree incline and a 40-degree side slope.

I start the Hummer up the incline hesitantly, as though it's a 19th-century locomotive. Through the mud-splattered windshield, I can see only the sky.

"I want you to brake when you get to the bottom," Baugh says, "then accelerate, firmly but steadily."

The Hummer shoots up like a cork from a champagne bottle, and then we are down and on the slope, tilted, it seems, close to tipping.

For two hours, we drive over inclines, through creeks, and over carefully arranged fields of rocks.

Whatever cramps and kinks my body suffered are smoothed over in the Nemacolin Spa, which last year was ranked the No. 10 resort spa in North America by Conde Nast Traveler. I choose the regular sports massage, but there are more than 125 treatments - not just massages, but facials, hair removal, body wraps, hydrotherapy, even acupuncture.

Many of these services are pricey, but there are many things to do for free - hiking trails and viewing paintings and sculpture (inside and outside), Hardy's rare-car collection (18 vehicles, including a 1909 Stanley Steamer and a white 1934 Packard), and a wildlife academy with enclosed habitats for lions, a tiger, zebras, hyenas, black and brown bears, and buffalo, including a rare white one named Snowball.

A shuttle tour of the entire complex is a good way to get your bearings.

Art is pervasive inside and out. Hundreds of museum-quality pieces worth millions are on display. The hotel's walls are crammed with paintings - Paris street scenes seem to be Hardy's favorite. The artists include French painter Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec and American sculptor Alexander Calder. Bronze sculptures of jazz greats such as Dizzy Gillespie, Louis Armstrong, and Charlie Parker sit in glass cases near the entrance to the conference center. Outside, you'll find a Sacagawea statue.

There are six types of accommodations, ranging from the RV park, which costs about $135 per night, to four private homes that start at $700 per night. Our room had high ceilings, tall French doors, and a large, marble bathroom with a bathtub deep enough to float a battleship. It cost $319 per night, plus a $15 resort fee that covered valet parking, on-property shuttle service, access to the fitness center and tennis courts, art tours, wireless Internet, local and toll-free calls, in-room coffee, and a newspaper.

There are two spectacular golf courses - Mystic Rock and the Links - and the David Leadbetter Golf Academy, a 3,000-square-foot facility with four hitting bays.

If you should run out of on-site activities, Nemacolin sits amid one of the most historic regions in the country. It's a short drive to Fort Necessity, which George Washington had built during the French and Indian War. There are other historic sites all along Route 40 - Nemacolin's Path, and later the National Road.

Also nearby are architectural masterpieces Fallingwater and Kentuck Knob; Ohiopyle State Park, with white-water rafting on the Youghiogheny River; and the Laurel Highlands' mountain vistas and rolling countryside.

You can take advantage of all these activities, though, only if you can manage to push yourself away from the dining-room table.