Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Inquirer Daily News

Amusement park will name roller coaster after LeBron and all he has to do is return to Cleveland

Not everyone gets to feel universally wanted in their lives.

Amusement park will name roller coaster after LeBron and all he has to do is return to Cleveland

0 comments
(Chris Covatta/Getty Images)
(Chris Covatta/Getty Images)

Not everyone gets to feel universally wanted in their lives.

"Speak for yourself!" says you, feeding your 30 cats. Hey, good on you, friend.

LeBron's pursuers are largely human, however, and because of that, they have the cognitive abilities to attempt to sway him to their cause with innovative bribery. LeBron won't make a decision until the last second, presumably so that he can take into account all offers on the table, such as the one from Ohio amusement park Cedar Point:

More coverage
 
What NFL players Eagles rookies try to emulate
 
Baseball Hall of Fame re-etches rules on ancient tablets
 
NFL willfully ignorant on Ray Rice domestic abuse
 
Weatherman chastises Phillies for playing in lightning

No word yet on which coaster will be getting LeBron'd. Cedar Point has a new one this year called Pipe Scream that is not at all plumbing-themed ride and is more of a "thrill ride that rocks and rolls you on over 302 feet of track, flying 43 feet above the midway at 43 mph!"

Let others take note: Many of these free agent negotiations will probably move along a bit faster with the inclusion of amusement park rides. I'd be sure I had my own line queue, LeBron, before signing anything. What's the point of having your name on the ride if you can't elbow your way to the front on a boiling summer afternoon?

"We don't tolerate cutting in line, either!" you shout at one of your less rule-abiding cats.

0 comments
 
comments powered by Disqus
About this blog
Pattison Ave. offers an eclectic mix of news and nuggets about Philadelphia sports and beyond. Live chats, analysis, random thoughts, viral videos, odds and ends -- you'll find it all here.

Matt Mullin Sports Editor
Jonathan Tannenwald Sports Producer
Brian McCardle Sports Producer
Jerry Gaul Sports Producer
Vaughn Johnson Sports Producer
Justin Klugh Sports Producer
Michael Kaskey-Blomain Assistant Sports Producer
Latest Videos:
Also on Philly.com:
Stay Connected