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You just stabbed me in the back, but I couldn't be happier.
Let me explain. I've been an L.A. Clippers season-ticket holder for the past decade, but I'm a lifelong Sixers fan, born across the Walt Whitman in Woodbury and raised on shopping-cart pretzels, Chocolate Thunder freestyles, and the chill-inducing pipes of Dave Zinkoff.
Needless to say, every year after 2001 has been pretty much a double disappointment, frequently of epic proportions. So this Elton Brand scenario is exactly what I dreamed of, scowling in the Staples Center this April as another pathetic season wound down and our team leader came back from an Achilles tear to showcase himself over the last eight games.
In his farewell to Clipper fans on yesterday's Loose Cannons radio show, E.B. explained his decision by pointing to the respect he felt from the Sixers and GM Ed Stefanski. "We know Golden State had more," Brand said, "but I coined the phrase 'The Phillymax.' Within 20 minutes, Philly gave me everything they could."
And that's exactly what you guys can expect in return, every damn game. While it's true he's 29 and coming off a major surgery, only 6-foot-8, and getting Moses Malone money when he's not really a true superstar, the $82 million was well-spent. Brand is the Lunch-Bucket LX: custom-made for this town and this team.
With his mother, he founded a learning center that helps disadvantaged at-risk kids get art and music instruction in his hometown of Peekskill. He also gave an SUV to a security guard from high school who used to give him rides. A hybrid. If he were an Eagle, he'd be all Reggie White and no T.O.
Even though he's got a side job as a movie producer (Rescue Dawn), he will bring zero drama to town. Don't expect any "Fo'-fo'-fo's," or "For what? For who's?" from E.B. And as far as practice, it was just two years ago (after he'd already made an all-star team) that he spent an entire summer honing his mid-range jump shot to go from being just a garbage-man scorer to a definite threat from 17 feet and in.
The fans here loved his low-key demeanor and work ethic so much they baked cookies for him every day. That's the stuff of Whitey and Harry! Plus - paging Mr. Dalembert - with his weakside help, long arms and expert positioning, Brand helped turn erratic Clippers center Chris Kaman into a budding star.
Plus, he doesn't hog the ball or the spotlight. During the Clipps' improbable playoff glory in 2006, E.B. was happy to stand in the shadows while lovable jabber-jaw Sam Cassell and show pony Corey Maggette soaked up the love. He even got his lovely wife, Shahara, a small role as a nurse in Rescue Dawn in which she takes care of Christian Bale.
"I tell her, 'You saved Batman,' " Brand jokes.
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