Ed Barkowitz: By Ed Barkowitz

LORD ONLY knows the things Zakk Wylde has seen in his life as a rock star. Suffice to say, many of them cannot be documented in a family newspaper.

Wylde, 45, was the lead guitarist for Ozzy Osbourne and is like Tom Brady of the metal world. His handprints were immortalized in 2006 on the Hollywood Rock Walk of Fame, and maybe the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame will come calling someday. He is a founding member of Black Label Society and earlier this year released a memoir titled "Bringing Metal to the Children."

There is another side of Wylde that can be told. After watching his brother-in-law, Ken Thomson, for a few years, Wylde this season decided to jump into the deep end of the fantasy football pool and partner up with Thomson. Wylde might not remember all of his escapades with Ozzy's band, but it's likely he'll never forget how he won this past week.

"We were down by one point until that touchdown happened at the end of the Green Bay-Seattle game," he said, laughing.

Wylde was playing against Green Bay's defense, which lost three fantasy points when Seattle's score went from seven points to 14 as a result of the controversial touchdown that probably should have been ruled an interception. This allowed Wylde to squeak out a one-point win.

"The replacement refs are trying to do the best job they can, but I heard the best analogy," he said before the regular refs settled. "They are like substitute teachers, and none of the kids have any respect for the teachers. It [was] a nightmare."

Wylde has parlayed his enjoyment of fantasy football into a radio gig with his brother-in-law. The two host "Wylde on Sports" on SiriusXM radio each Tuesday from 9 to 11 p.m. and are in the Sirius celebrity league. Wylde opened one show earlier this year with a guitar solo of "The Star-Spangled Banner." Pretty cool.

Born in Bayonne, N.J., but now living in Southern California, Wylde remains a true New Yawker. His accent is still syrupy, and he drops f-bombs as easily as he strums his Les Paul guitar. Don't get him started on the Yankees.

Wylde and Thomson, 2-1 so far, have played quarterback roulette the first 3 weeks of the season and came up light each time. They have Michael Vick and Jay Cutler. In Weeks 1 and 3, they started Vick, who totaled two touchdowns and four interceptions. In Week 2, when Vick faced the Ravens, they started Cutler, who threw four interceptions against the Packers. Talk about going off the rails on the fantasy train.

"It's brutal," he sighed. "Vick is playing my beloved G-Men this week, so I'm hoping he scores eight touchdowns, the Giants get nine, and all's good."

So he's sticking with Vick and not going with Cutler against Dallas?

"If the Giants play anything like they did against Carolina . . . they were [playing like] Super Bowl champs," he said. "Me and Kenny might have to make that decision on Sunday."

Last week, Peyton Manning passed Dan Marino for the most games with at least 300 yards passing with his 64th. Which quarterbacks are ranked Nos. 3, 4 and 5? Backhanded hint: None of them is in the Hall of Fame.

Quarterbacks:

Matthew Stafford (hip) practiced Thursday and can safely be inserted back into fantasy lineups. One stray thought, though. The Lions have a bye next week and if Stafford has any sort of setback this weekend, the Lions could play it cautious and sit him out with the open week ahead as a precaution . . . Michael Vick is averaging more turnovers this year (3.0) than Sixers point guard Jrue Holiday had last season (2.1).

* Running backs: Chris Johnson's 1.4 yards per attempt works out to about 50 inches per carry - or the approximate length of my kitchen table. If he were to get 3 yards and a cloud of dust, he'd double his production . . . Just like the Eagles, Green Bay has to get the running game cranked up if it wants its quarterback to survive the season. The Packers' Cedric Benson is an RB2 this week against a Saints defense ranked 32nd against the run.

* Wide receivers: In the last 2 weeks, New England's Brandon Lloyd has seen 13 and 12 targets, respectively . . . Santonio Holmes, himself a target fiend with 33 in three games, gets a bump up with Stephen Hill (hamstring) unlikely to play. At home with the 49ers is not a favorable matchup, but quarterback Mark Sanchez has been locked in on Holmes . . . Denver's Eric Decker set career highs last week with eight catches and 136 yards.

The top five quarterbacks with the most 300-yard passing games are Peyton Manning (64), Dan Marino (63), Brett Favre (62), Drew Brees (58) and Kurt Warner (52).

Run, run, run: The best and worst defenses against running backs so far against the run:

THE WORST

32. Saints: 166.7 yards, 5 TDs; this week: Benson, GB

31. Jets: 142.0 yards, 4 TDs; this week: Gore, SF

30. Titans: 139.3 yards, 4 TDs; this week: Foster, Hou.

29. Panthers: 133.3 yards, 3 TDs; this week: Turner, Atl.

28. Jaguars: 131.7 yards, 5 TDs; this week: Green-Ellis, Cin.

27. Colts: 125.0 yards, 4 yards; this week: Bye

THE BEST

1. Seahawks: 39.7 yards, 2 TDs; this week: Jackson, StL.

2. Buccaneers: 44.7 yards, 2 TDs; this week: Morris, Wash.

3. Chargers: 59.0 yards, 1 TD; this week: Charles, KC

4. Bears: 61.0 yards, 1 TD; this week: Murray, Dal.

5. Dolphins: 61.7 yards, 2 TDs; this week: Williams, Ariz.

6. 49ers: 63.0 yards, 0 TDs; this week: Greene, Jets

Note: The Eagles are 21st at 78.0 yards per game to RBs, with one TD allowed.

The Chiefs' Jamaal Charles' 33 carries last week (for 233 yards) were the most he's had since he had 25 carries for 259 yards in the 2009 season finale. In the eight games Charles has carried the ball at least 20 times, his average per carry is an astounding 7.1.

The last eight times Adrian Peterson has had 20-plus carries, his average is 4.3.

Q: Is Fred Jackson going to make a difference? Do you think hes a better start than Andre Brown, of the Giants?

A: No. I'd go with Brown. While the Eagles have played well against RBs, I'd rather have a healthy guy with an unfavorable matchup than a banged-up guy with a mediocre matchup.

Q: Michael Vick or Philip Rivers?

A: Can you really trust Michael Vick at this point? So many turnovers, especially in the red zone. I would start Rivers. I know he struggled as well last week, but at no point has Vick looked good.

Q: Should I bench Romo this week vs Chicago or start Schaub vs. Tennessee?

A: I'd go with Schaub. Matt Stafford eventually figured out the Titans last week and when he got hurt, Shaun Hill came in and slung it a bit. Schaub has the better matchup.

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Look for the fantasy chat with Ed Barkowitz and philly.com producer Matt Mullin each Thursday at noon. For a full transcript of Thursday's chat, visit philly.com/FantasyChat.

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Ed Barkowitz, who is in the market for a kitchen table at least 5 yards long, has been writing about fantasy football in the Daily News since 2001. Contact him at barkowe@phillynews.com.