Touch 'Em All: Hamels: Not enough Philly in him

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This will come as no surprise to anyone who watched Cole Hamels pitch or answer questions Saturday night - or any other night - but the Phillies lefthander might be the most un-Philly Philadelphia athlete ever.

Mike Schmidt was an enigma, too, but at some level he understood us and, eventually, we grasped him. Ditto Randall Cunningham and many others who have passed through but never left their hearts in South Philadelphia.

Sgt. Bruce Williams (second from right) of the state police questions a fan outside Citizens Bank Park before Game 4 last night.
ELIZABETH ROBERTSON / Staff Photographer
Sgt. Bruce Williams (second from right) of the state police questions a fan outside Citizens Bank Park before Game 4 last night.

Hamels will never be one of us and it's not his fault.

The whiny voice. The fashion-mag looks. He was born with those. In Southern California, no less.

That's all fine for him. But it's grating to us.

The boos Saturday. The gradual disillusionment. It was inevitable. The only way Hamels was going to stay in the city's good graces was if he continued to pitch his butt off.

Philly likes its pasta sauce red, its milk shakes black and white, and its sports heroes blue-collar.

The fans love it when someone who can play reminds them of a stevedore (Brian Dawkins), a steamfitter (Pete Rose), or a sanitation worker (Lenny Dykstra).

Hamels, it's always apparent, makes his living with his arm, not his hands.

It's easier to imagine him as a waiter in a trendy restaurant ("Hi, I'm Cole. I'll be your waiter. Would you like to hear our specials?"); a dance instructor ("You call that a battement fondue?"); an architect ("If I don't use dentil molding, it could ruin the neoclassical motif."); or a model ("Work it, Cole. Work it!").

When a guy like that fails in a town like this, it could get ugly.

 

Natural splendor

Did you see that gorgeous moon over the ballpark last night? Then again, who hasn't seen a moon at the sports complex on a day when the Eagles play?

 

Game 4 limerick

So what's up with Big Ryan the K?

His swing picked a fine time to stray.

We'd just like some contact.

Is that wish so abstract?

So, please, lay off the slider away.

 

Say what?

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Posted 08:50 AM, 11/02/2009
TheDude
It seems every Phillie puts the team first and themselves 2nd...except Hamels. Whatta spoiled pansey.
Posted 11:01 AM, 11/02/2009
dr.elektrika
Who are the 125 idiots that voted 'Chase Utley' in that poll? Are you insane?
Posted 11:17 AM, 11/02/2009
TomO
Colbert has had an excuse every other week: busy off season, sore elbow, fell off the mound, come-backer hit him (ouch), arm fatigue, he tries too hard, he's only 25 and needs to learn, his wife said he signed too many autographs (my favorite), he's emotional and loses focus, he only has two pitches, he had a baby, he's tipping his pitches, blah, blah. His quote before the first game of the first round when asked if he wants to start game one and set the tone: "I don't care." Now he wants the season to end. I don't care if this guy wins 20 games for the next ten years, get rid of him. I woundn't want to play behind him.
Posted 12:45 PM, 11/02/2009
richard j. brenner
what a bush-league town, filled with whinny, short-memory fans! what's next, asking hamels to return his 2008 nlcs & world series mvp awards? richard j. brenner
Posted 01:38 PM, 11/02/2009
Crosscheck42
Thank god you decided to sign that screed twice, richard j. brenner Were it not for the combination of both your username AND the handy signature, I might not have known to whom to attribute such a trenchant point.
Posted 01:40 PM, 11/02/2009
billgfc
get of Hamels! He brought a world title! got injured early and you guys turn on him! disgusting! I fear being in the same foxhole with you and an injured war hero doing his best to come back
Posted 02:10 PM, 11/02/2009
dansdigs
Hamels will be pitching well next year, is that when you'll jump back on the bandwagon? You call this an article? S
Posted 02:16 PM, 11/02/2009
Will.i.Am
Hamels does put himself first, but heck if he was pitching like last year no one would say ANYTHING negative towards him. Lidge I could NOT believe that with 2 strikes and 2 outs, turns into a 3 run inning that deflates our Phils' and lead to another loss. If it stayed 4-4..we couldve stole that one with a 2-2 series and one to go at home. UGHHHH !!!
Posted 02:25 PM, 11/02/2009
DS17
For what possible reason was my comment on this deleted? All I said was that this article made us seem petty and ridiculous, and that it's not his looks or voice, but rather his attitude that grates with us? I actually cannot believe my comment was deleted.
Posted 02:45 PM, 11/02/2009
boasocal
It's a great column and I expressed these exact sentiments to the wife yesterday. I lived in SoCal for the last 30 years and have seen A LOT of Hamels types. I played golf in SD every week for these past many years. There's lots of these holistic surfer dude types. Having said that, this column won't help him or the Phillies. Unless he gets a handle on those voices he hears, real and imagined, he'll be useless to them. Trade him to SD or some other kinder, gentler space or get behind the guy. Great column, ILL TIMED, Very ILL TIMED.
Posted 02:47 PM, 11/02/2009
boasocal
p.s. where was this column last year, when was MVP of both the NLDS and WS? Writers are as fickle as fans it would seem.
Comment removed.
Posted 04:07 PM, 11/02/2009
m0rph_bw
Frank...it's because of stupid speculation and novice journalism like this which leads us to be classified as the WORST FANS IN BASEBALL. This time last year, we, like Heidi, ALL would have been happy to have Cole's baby!
Posted 04:17 PM, 11/02/2009
front&ashdale
this is what passes for a sportwriter in this city ?
Posted 04:17 PM, 11/02/2009
weedman
What a clown you are, Frank Fitzpatrick...
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