Phillies' Roy Halladay a work in progress

ATLANTA - The toughest thing about watching it is that you know how much Roy Halladay cares. That part did not change on Wednesday night in the Phillies' 9-2 loss to the Braves. The sub-zero scowl never vanished: not after Justin Upton blasted a 1-2 sinking fastball for a home run in the first inning, not after Halladay bounced a curveball in the dirt for the fifth time, not after a gargantuan rookie named Evan Gattis sent a cutter over the leftfield wall in his second major league at-bat.

Halladay would have kept taking the ball until his fingertips rubbed raw if that's how long it took to figure himself out. But with one out in the fourth inning and a cold drizzle dropping down onto the Turner Field turf, Charlie Manuel ambled up the dugout steps and made the long walk to the center of the diamond, where he signaled to the bullpen and took the ball from his pitcher's hand. With that, Halladay's 2013 debut whimpered to a close.

What it all means for the Phillies doesn't really matter. There are no options to ponder. Five days from now, they will hand the ball to their onetime ace, and they will watch as he continues the process of rediscovering himself. On Wednesday, the process resulted in a 95-pitch outing that killed only 3 1/3 innings, during which Halladay walked three batters, ran five other three-ball counts, surrendered two home runs, and was charged with five earned runs. After it was over, Halladay's initial summation of the performance jibed with what everybody in attendance saw.

"I'm frustrated," he said. "I should have gone deeper than that. Not aggressive enough early in the count. Went deep counts. Really, that's the most frustrating part . . . I'm going to clean that up and be more aggressive. I've got to be more aggressive getting ahead of guys, putting guys away. We can take ground balls earlier in the count, do something to be more efficient, get deeper. I'd rather get beat 20-0 and pitch eight innings than pitch 3 1/3. That's got to change.

"But I felt good in the bullpen, felt good on the mound. Obviously, horrible conditions to pitch in, it made it no fun, but that's not an excuse for not being able to get ahead of guys and do it consistently and put guys away quicker. So I'm going to fix it. I'm going to fix it. It will be fixed and the results will be better."

For all of the confidence that Halladay had projected over the course of a tumultuous spring training, in his first start of 2013, the veteran pitched like a guy who was unsure of his stuff. In 2010, only 29 percent of his pitches were offspeed. In 2011, that number crept up to 34 percent. In 2012, it rose to 39 percent. Against the Braves, nearly half of his pitches - 47 of 95, to be exact - were changeups or curveballs.

After Upton demolished that 1-2 sinker for a homer in the first inning, a pitch Halladay said he was "halfhearted" about, he began to stray from his usual attack on the strike zone. He insisted that such an approach was not born of necessity but rather of habit, one that grew roots last season, when back and shoulder issues sapped his strength.

He said that he no longer feels limited by his body, that he was happy with the velocity and movement on his cutter and sinker. In the first inning, he threw sinkers that registered at 88, 90, 91, 92, 91, 90 and 90 mph, while his cutter sat between 88 and 90. Over the final three innings, both pitches were clocking regularly at 88 and 89. Last season, the sinker averaged 91, and the cutter 89.5. All of those numbers were recorded by MLB's pitch-tracking system.

"It was just trying to be too picky, trying to be too fine," Halladay said. "Going last year, feeling the way you do, you feel like, I can't throw an 86 mph fastball to a general zone, it's going to get hit. You get to a point where you start trying to get picky. I feel like I'm getting to the point where I'm building arm strength, and I feel like it's continuing to grow every time I throw, and as a result I can start opening things up and not try to be so fine."

The Phillies have little choice but to believe that the new Halladay can make it work. He struck out nine batters in 3 1/3 innings, something that no pitcher has done for as long as Baseball-Reference.com has that kind of data. Eight of those nine strikeouts came on changeups or curves, the lone exception a cutter that opposing starter Paul Maholm took for a called third strike in the fourth inning. The flip side is that Maholm's at-bats provided the best commentary on the night. Halladay struck him out in both of his at bats, but it took him 12 pitches to do so, three of which Maholm fouled off, none of which prompted a swing and miss.

Again, though, the Phillies' only course of action is to put their faith in the long view. One rough outing in dismal weather against a lineup that was built to rout struggling pitchers does not justify a panicky personnel decision. Perhaps against a less powerful lineup, some of those balls in play will turn into outs. Maybe on a night when it is easier to grip the ball, things will change.

This wasn't about velocity, or even results. It was about a pitcher who still is not pitching the way he is accustomed to. And that is tough to watch.

Blog: philly.com/HighCheese