Gonzo: Myers' chin music, cupcakes, and minor-league umps

The following is a partial transcript from Thursday's Ask Gonzo chat on Philly.com with columnist John Gonzalez

Comment From Marshall Mathers: Why am I not worried about the Phillies? They never beat the Astros this time of year, and I know they didn't gain on the Braves, but they didn't lose ground, either.

Gonzo: I watched the Phils-Mets rivalry show on Versus the other day. Shane Victorino had a lot of face time. He kept saying, and I'm paraphrasing, that the Phils have shown that they're a late-season team and they never give up. And he's right. Same goes for this year. They should have performed better against the 'Stros, sure, but I'm not worried about it. They always play better down the stretch when the pressure is on.

Comment From Ryan: Do you think you made an enemy today?

Gonzo: You'll have to be more specific. Those familiar with Page 2 programming know that we make more enemies each day than Five Guys makes hamburgers.

Comment From Ryan Howard: Scott Barry is on first base today. What should I say to him?

Gonzo: Ask him what he thinks about Brett Myers' awful facial hair. If anything deserves an ejection, it's Myers' wannabe ZZ Top chin music.

Comment From Drew Live Crew: What is your go-to fantasy sleeper this year? You know how every person has that one guy they seem to get in the same round of every league? . . . Who's that guy for you? . . . Last year, my guy was Celek in the ninth or 10th round.

Gonzo: Now we're talking . . . late, after the ninth and 10th rounds, I like Bernard Scott and Leon Washington. Then again, I loved Leon Washington last year and that didn't work out so well for me. That's why they're called sleepers, I suppose - they don't all wake up.

BTW: I had Brees on one of my teams last year. Name of the squad was 2 Live Drew.

Comment From Phil Mac: Myers' chin music is about as bad as Von Hayes' mustache!

Gonzo: Careful, the Von Hayes fans are legion. I learned that lesson recently.

Comment From Bryan:

How does MLB let two minor-league umps work on the same crew, in a series with such implications? One is because Davis is on vacation?? These guys get five months off a year, and you take vacation in the heat of the pennant race?

Gonzo: The bigger issue here is how any ump can let an argument change the complexion of a game (and, potentially, a pennant race). I'm OK with an ump booting a call. I can accept the human-error element. But I'm not OK with a guy getting into a [hissing] match. Why is it that an NFL ref can take guff and never toss a head coach, but a baseball ump is so thin-skinned that he regularly runs people from the game?

Comment From Sean: Do you think that Nyjer Morgan should have gotten more than 7 games suspension? I would think 20 would have been a minimum. It would be jail time if it were an average person.

Gonzo: He should have gotten way more than 7 games. I would have suspended him for the rest of the season, without pay, and then gone from there. If a fan in the stands had fired a ball or a battery or some other projectile at a player with the intent to hurt an athlete, Philly would have been all over the news. They would have called us savages and screamed for the offender to be locked away. And all Morgan gets is 7 games? It's absurd and insulting, and MLB should be ashamed.

Comment From Bryan: Will DeSean be giving "how to act like an adult" classes to spoiled NFL players this year? That guy is a breath of fresh air.

Gonzo: There's a happy medium there somewhere, isn't there? Why can't he talk and entertain us without being a spoiled brat? You can have a personality without being T.O.

Comment From Jose "El Guapo" Garces: Do you think there was TOO MUCH attention given to CupcakeTruckGate?

Gonzo: No way. It's a cupcake truck. Cupcakes are delicious. First the city tries to squeeze $300 out of bloggers, now they're cracking down on our confections? The Red Chinese have it better than we do.

Except for the bike lanes. They have too many bike lanes.

Comment From Mike Vick: I was thinking of throwing a Labor Day bash . . . you can come but it'll cost ya 50 bucks . . .

Gonzo: Do I have to wear all white? Because it's hard to conceal my weapon when I wear all white.