Last week, the 76ers mercifully scrapped their unsightly, tricked-out, late-'90s uniforms and logo in favor of returning to the franchise's famous old-school models. A lot of people were happy about that. I was one of them.
Some Sixers employees have accused me of being overly critical of the organization, so I'd like to address them directly here. Kudos on a job well done. It was smart to go retro, and you should be commended for it.
I just have one nagging question: What's with the bunny? If you're going to erase the hideous black uniforms and outdated, overactive logo, you guys should have gone all-out and retired the mascot, too.
To this day, I can't understand what the Sixers were thinking when they came up with Hip-Hop. I can only imagine the original meeting that birthed the bunny - a vain, impossible attempt to create a mascot that's aggressive yet approachable, edgy yet lovable. I can almost hear some corporate drone pitching the winning-but-woefully-misguided concept:
What about a rabbit named Hip-Hop? Get it? He's a bunny, but he's also, like, super cool and into rap, yo.
As far as bad ideas go, Hip-Hop ranks up there with Mike Tyson's face ink.
This will put it in better perspective: My godson, Nicholas, is 9 years old. He's a sports fanatic and a Sixers devotee - so much so that he recently attended a weeklong Sixers basketball camp for kids. Not only did he play hoops all day long, but he also met some of the Sixers. He couldn't have been happier.
When I asked about his favorite players, he provided detailed analysis on Andre Iguodala and Thaddeus Young. But when I asked what he thinks about Hip-Hop, he didn't say anything at first. Then he shrugged.
"Eh," he said.
That was it. Just "eh." From a kid who would get a Sixers tattoo if his mother, my cousin, would let him. (She's such a prude that way.) If you can't get a dedicated fan like my godson to dig the bunny, then the marketing battle has surely been fought and lost.
For that reason and so many others, Hip-Hop makes our list of the top 10 Lamest Mascots in Pro Sports:
10. Steely McBeam (Steelers): The United States is still one of the global leaders in steel production, but it's no longer No. 1. According to the World Steel Association, China, the European Union, and Japan all produce more steel than we do. Steely McBeam may echo the Steelers name, but it's also a reminder that the American steel industry isn't what it used to be. It's the equivalent of the Detroit Lions creating a mascot that looks like one of those new Chevy Camaros and then naming it Unemployed McBailout.
9. Boltman (Chargers): He was once the official team representative then broke from the organization and went out on his own. (Or so the story goes.) Still, Boltman - a human lightning bolt that looks as if it's been doing 'roids since the late 1980s - is widely recognized as the team mascot. And a terrifying one at that.
8. Poe (Ravens): Naturally, Baltimore's mascot is a Raven. And, of course, it's named after the city's favorite poet and most famous former resident. Note to the Ravens' front office: We get it. You dig Edgar Allan Poe. Please stop now.
7. Rumble the Bison (Thunder): The Oklahoma City mascot looks a little like Teen Wolf. Sadly, it's even less entertaining than the movie.
6. Dinger (Rockies): Colorado employs a purple dinosaur. Think Barney, only not as cool.
5. Hip-Hop (76ers): It's time to move on. The Sixers should hold a mascot contest - preferably something focused on the American Revolution. Then the organization should throw a big party and serve the fans a tasty rabbit stew. It would be both symbolic and delicious.
4. Mr. Met (Mets): A few years back, Conan O'Brien did a skit where Mr. Met came home to find Mrs. Met cheating on him with the Phanatic. Whenever I'm feeling low, I think about that. Picks me right up.
3. Rowdy (Cowboys): He has a Cowboy hat and a blue bandana around his neck and a giant, over-the-top, permanent grin that makes him look as if he took one too many Botox injections. I bet Jerry Jones loves him.
2. Slider (Indians): I honestly couldn't tell you what the Cleveland mascot is supposed to be. It has strange spots all over. I think they might be leprosy lesions.
1. Wally the Green Monster (Red Sox): Entertainment is often derivative, but there's a difference between borrowing an idea (or two) and hijacking it. If Fozzie Bear and the Phillie Phanatic ever procreated, Wally would be the unfortunate, unholy result. Whoever is responsible for fathering Wally should have used protection.
Ellis Hobbs told ESPN.com's Matt Mosley that the Eagles are "loaded with talent and all we have to do is put it together." Here's hoping they do just that. . . . It was 16 years ago yesterday that the Sixers drafted Shawn Bradley. I kind of wish The700Level.com hadn't reminded me. It took countless therapy sessions to forget about him in the first place. . . . Is it me, or is the new season of Weeds deeper than anything the show has previously produced? . . . Six Eagles cheerleaders depart for Iraq and Kuwait today as part of a 12-day military tour. You're doing a wonderful thing for the troops, ladies. Godspeed.
Contact columnist John Gonzalez at 215-854-2813 or gonzalez@phillynews.com.
