Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Robert Griffin III registers at Bed, Bath & Beyond for wedding gifts

Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III will be getting married July 6 to his fiancée, Rebecca Liddicoat. Their registry provides a long list of gift ideas for the happy couple.

Robert Griffin III registers at Bed, Bath & Beyond for wedding gifts

(AP Photo/Evan Vucci)
(AP Photo/Evan Vucci) AP
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According to the Washington Post, Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III will be getting married July 6 to his fiancée, Rebecca Liddicoat. 

Their registry, available here, provides a long list of gift ideas for the happy couple.

  • The welcome mat can be taken as an open invitation to crash at the Griffin IIIs' house. Show up any time.
  • While there, be sure to request the Real Simple® White Down/Feather Extra Firm Density Standard/Queen Pillow. They're probably using it, but hey, you're the guest.
  • Why not repay your gracious hosts by making dinner? It's super easy with your Grip Anywhere ladle, spatula, or pasta fork. Maybe I should explain. These are spatulas that you can grip anywhere. Take the rest of your day to wrap your head around that. 
  • Good, dinner is made. I'm sure no one will mind that the Oneida® Satin Sand Dune 45-Piece Flatware Set is scattered all over the floor. They shouldn't have made that drawer so hard to open.
  • Make sure you used the Jubliee Napkin and Jubilee Placemat, otherwise they may not know how jubilant they should be for the meal. The answer is "appropriately" jubliant.
  • And for god's sake, I hope their napkins aren't just stting there. We're not animals. They're to be rolled up in a tasteful Beaded Elegance Oil-Rubbed Bronze Napkin Ring. Try to delay the reveal of your classlessness until at least dessert.
  • Yes, I know the picture of the Sharper Image® Digital Food Scale had a piece of cooked meat on it in the ad. We're file the false advertisement suit later.
  • Goodness, look at the time on the Rustic Roman Numeral Clock. Everyone is so busy exchanging uncomfortable glances that they've forgotten to ask if you'd like to take a shower.
  • So, relax with a shower, using a towel from the Spa Collection, or perhaps the Turkish Ribbed set. In either case, you know how a towel works.
  • What's that? The police have been called? Well, this is clearly just a misunderstanding - the mat said "Welcome." No matter; simply start a small fire in the LaMont Home™ Cambria Wastebasket as a diversion while you find a window to scramble out of.
  • Having trouble scaling the side of the house? Well, silly, you forgot to unstrap the Black And Decker® Dustbuster™ Cordless Hand Vacuum from your back. Come on.
Another relaxing weekend with the Griffins! I'd say you certainly made their Christmas card list.
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