Sunday, August 31, 2014
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If football were an Olympic sport, who would the Americans play?

With the Olympics in full swing and the United States continuing their post Cold War hockey dominance over the Ruskies, as a football writer, I became jealous that we don't get to see NFL players in action against the rest of the world.

If football were an Olympic sport, who would the Americans play?

With the Olympics in full swing and the United States continuing their post Cold War hockey dominance over the Ruskies, as a football writer, I became jealous that we don't get to see NFL players in action against the rest of the world.

You can pretty much look at any All-Pro list and formulate your own USA team, but who would they play? You'd probably have to create one all-encompassing "World Team" to take on the Americans, as opposed to individual countries.

And so... Let's first meet the World Team. BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

To note, the World Team is made up entirely of NFL players born outside the United States. I'm sure the majority of them are US citizens, and a number of them are offspring of military families who would be nauseous to see their kids play against the US. But the US has to play somebody, so these were the players we have to work with. 

• Regarding the RB position, there are no current NFL players in the NFL who are foreign born, that I could find, anyway. The player most recently on an NFL roster was Miguel Maysonet (Puerto Rico), who was signed by the Eagles for a short time last offseason, but was quickly released. As explained by Pro Football Talk, cutting Maysonet nearly ruined the Eagles' season, and served as evidence of a possible power struggle between Howie Roseman and Chip Kelly, the likes of which we've never seen in the NFL.

The move has sparked speculation of a possible disconnect between coach Chip Kelly and G.M. Howie Roseman, given that it’s believed Maysonet received a five-figure signing bonus to pick the Eagles.  While arguably premature, there’s even more reason to keep an eye on how the Kelly-Roseman relationship unfolds.

I figured we should be fair to the World Team, and not give them a player that is going to ruin their organization from the inside out before the coin toss, so let's omit him.

Another option was to bring former Chiefs RB Christian "The Nigerian Nightmare" Okoye out of retirement, but that just seemed dangerous. It's not even about competitive advantage. I just don't want to see anyone get hurt. We can't have this happening:

Left with little else in the way of RB options, I harkened back to what a former sports editor of mine used to repeatedly drill into my head: "Your article needs more Tebow." So Tebow it is. We'll give him his own position of H-back.

• European offensive linemen Sebastian Vollmer, Doug Legursky, and Michael Roos seem like they'd be terrible comedians:

I'm picturing this:

• Yes, Danny (Don't call me Fanny) Watkins was actually the second best OG that I could find. That's not even a Philly bias. Technically, there actually a large number of OTs born outside the US who are decent players, and I could have just moved one of them inside to guard, but as a former sports editor once told me: "Your article needs more Watkins." So Watkins it is.

• The rest of the world doesn't produce much in the way of secondary players. There were only two CBs that I could find, and one awful safety. That's it. I didn't even have the option of sticking a CB at safety. So... say it with me... "Needs more Tebow." And hey, Tebow might actually be a better safety than Patrick Chung. The World Team will also employ former Cowboys CB Mike Jenkins. Watch Jenkins (#21) in action.

• Linval Joseph... Related to Lionel Joseph?

Joseph had big fun at the Haile Selassie Pavilion.

• What do you do if Sebastian Janikowski throws a grenade at you?

Take the pin out and throw it back.

• Nate Burleson once mimicked shooting down the United States' national bird with a shotgun.

I didn't realize Burleson wasn't born in America. It all makes sense now. Keep your head on a swivel, Nate.

• A quick reminder of what the Redskins gave up to get RG3:

  1. Redskins 2012 1st round pick (6th overall)
  2. Redskins 2012 2nd round pick (39th overall)
  3. Redskins 2013 1st round pick (22nd overall)
  4. Redskins 2014 1st round pick (2nd overall)

• Rey Maualuga once danced behind Erin Andrews on the sidelines when he was in college.

That disrespectful move was generally praised by idiots. Chip Kelly, who I'm leaning toward as my USA Football coach, does not stand for disrespect toward Erin Andrews.

Expect Maualuga to be targeted/embarrassed early and often.

• If indeed Chip Kelly was named the USA Football coach, he should not run the swinging gate against the World Team, as Tamba Hali is the player who blew it up Week 3 against the Eagles last season (via @dhm).

• And finally, the World Team will be coached by Dick Curl, who led the Frankfurt Galaxy of the old NFL Europe league to a championship in 1999 and was the 2-time NFL Europe Coach of the Year (1998-99). Go ahead. Look it up. "Dick Curl." Google it, but just erase your browser history after you do.

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