Why do YOU hate the Cowboys?
THERE IS a great Christmas song that proclaims, "It's the most wonderful time of the year." While I love the season from Thanksgiving through New Year's Day because people are actually nice to each other and concentrate on things that are most important - family and friends - it is not the most wonderful time of the year!
That's actually October, if you are a sports fan.
There is a plethora of football to watch, both college and pro. The baseball playoffs are in full swing, culminating with the World Series and all its tension and excitement. Hockey season has begun in earnest and the NBA launches at the end of the month.
To cite one example of how great October can be, consider if you lived in Boston. Last Sunday was a day you would never forget - unbelievable comebacks by the Patriots and Red Sox in big games. Yes, October is the most wonderful time of the year - the only month all four major sports are going on at the same time.
This year, October is even more special because tomorrow the Eagles play the Cowboys at home with first place in the NFC East at stake. Good god, I hate those Cowboys!
On Wednesday, I was on the train coming back from New York and I was sitting with my cousin Steven, a brilliant psychiatrist, his aide, Marguerite, and two rambunctious women named Sarah and Jennifer. We had a great time as they helped me create the "Top 10 Reasons I Hate the Cowboys." Though they were my reasons, the crew helped me put them in descending order. It was great fun and I strongly recommend you do it with your friends. We share many of the same reasons, but ranking them as to which make you hate the 'Boys the most is a hoot.
So here's my Top 10:
10. The Star - What unbelievable conceit to make a star the symbol of your team and paint it right smack in the middle of the field. How did that star look at the end of the pickle-juice game (the 2000 season opener when the Eagles consumed pickle juice to combat dehydration from the 109-degree game-time temperature and beat the hosts, 41-14)?
9. Jimmy Johnson's hair - Gelled and lacquered into a steel-like, immovable 'do, and harder than those obnoxious Cowboy helmets. (I must admit to a tad of envy here.)
8. Cowboy (or AT&T) Stadium - A gaudy, incredibly extravagant mausoleum to Jerry Jones' ego. Hey, Jerry, with Texas having the highest percentage of people without healthcare coverage of any state in the nation, couldn't you have thought of a better use for your money?
7. Troy Aikman on TV - This ex-Cowboys QB has never gotten over the physical and scoreboard beating administered to him by the Buddy Ryan-led Birds. He takes it out on the Eagles every chance he gets with his slanted, hateful anti-Eagles commentary.
6. The "Don't Mess With Texas" attitude - Everything is bigger and better in the Lone Star state, or so they think. Rick Perry as governor? Not so much. Cowboy Stadium is a great example of this. One thing that's for sure: Everything is more arrogant in Texas, especially if it has anything to do with this football team!
5. Conceited, cocky, arrogant stars, past and present - Michael Irvin, Neon Deion, Tony Romo, Dez Bryant: I can't stand any of them. (Jason Witten is an exception, but he should have been an Eagle. Remember, we picked L.J. Smith in the draft when Jason was still available.)
4. No cheesesteaks, hoagies, soft pretzels or Tastykakes are sold at Cowboy Stadium - Hard to believe, but true. I went to see the Birds play in Dallas once and sat in Ross Perot's box. There was white wine, caviar, smoked salmon, Brie and crudités served with nary a soft pretzel to be found. They wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes in the 700 level at the Vet!
3. Jimmy Johnson's favorite phrase, "How 'Bout Them Cowboys?" - I'm sick and tired of hearing it! Hey, Jimmy, how 'bout the fact that "Them Cowboys" have only won one playoff game (the dreaded "air guitar" game vs. the Birds, unfortunately) in more than a decade?
2. Jerry Jones - Need I explain? This unbelievably arrogant owner is the epitome of the conceit, braggadocio and excess that makes us hate the Cowboys.
1. "America's Team" - Aaaaagh!! Who would have the gall to call themselves America's Team? Who nominated them? Did we get to vote on this? This self-proclaimed title has inspired many faux fans around the nation to claim to be Cowboy rooters, but they all probably think a rollout is what you do with toilet paper and that the wildcat formation is found at the zoo.
So that's my list. Have fun coming up with yours. To sum it up: "Cowboys suck," and with injuries to Ware and Murray, the Birds win easily, 34-23.