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Gonzo: Halfway through Eagles' season, some deserving winners

The Eagles are exactly halfway through their schedule. The media's midseason playbook calls for one of those evaluation columns where grades are handed out.

Andy Reid and the Eagles are 5-3 through eight games this season. (Yong Kim/Staff Photographer)
Andy Reid and the Eagles are 5-3 through eight games this season. (Yong Kim/Staff Photographer)Read more

The Eagles are exactly halfway through their schedule. The media's midseason playbook calls for one of those evaluation columns where grades are handed out.

Page 2 has decided to go a different way and distribute midseason awards, which is entirely different from the grading concept in that made-up honors with absurd names will be substituted for the letters A through F. Here are our first (and probably last) annual "8 Games Down, 8 Games to Go" prizewinners:

Milk Carton Award: Last year, Brent Celek had 76 catches and eight touchdowns. This season, he has just two touchdowns and 21 catches. Among tight ends, that reception number ties him for 16th - try to name 15 other tight ends - with Jermichael Finley, a guy who had season-ending knee surgery after Week 5. Could be that Donovan McNabb relied on Celek more than Kevin Kolb and Michael Vick did. Or maybe, because of the offensive-line issues, he's been tasked to block more. Whatever the reason, it's not the Pro Bowl season Page 2 anticipated for Celek. A few more games like this and we'll have to plaster his mug on a milk carton with the other missing children.

Poor English Award: Listen, when Andy Reid tells you that Kolb is his starting quarterback, you'd better believe him - right up to the point when he changes his mind the very next day and tells you that Vick is the starting quarterback. Maybe if he thought these things through, his English would be easier to understand.

Name, Rank, Serial Number Award: Given to Joe Banner and the front office for how the organization handled Vick's Virginia Beach Bang, Bang Birthday Bash fallout. Banner said the organization was privy to information about the evening that wasn't reported in the media, but he refused to share it with us. You could waterboard the entire staff and they still wouldn't tell what they know.

Perfect Attendance Award: Given to every member of the Eagles - except Vick. Reid supposedly told the quarterback to show up late and stay in the locker room for the game against the Atlanta Falcons. Reid is always open and honest, so that's probably what happened. If 90 percent of success is merely showing up, then it was good of Vick to represent the other 10 percent.

Brett Favre Avert Your Eyes Cell Phone Award: The only thing uglier than the Favre photos was watching Ellis Hobbs try to cover Kenny Britt. Izel Jenkins, we've found your natural successor.

Teddy KGB Award: No matter what you may think about Vick, it's impossible to deny how well he's played. He's clearly setting himself up for a fat new contract. Somewhere, his agent is mimicking John Malkovich's character in Rounders: "Pay him. Pay that man his money."

Last season, I had Terrell Owens on one of my (many) teams. He was dreadful. This year, I don't have T.O. on any of my (many) teams. He's been fantastic. I'm sending him a bill for my (many) league fees.

Start

QB: Josh Freeman, Carson Palmer, Ryan Fitzpatrick.

RB: Jahvid Best, Thomas Jones, LeSean McCoy.

WR: Terrell Owens, Mike Wallace, Mike Williams.

Flex (RB/WR/TE): Marshawn Lynch, Dez Bryant, Jacob Tamme.

Bench

QB: Matt Cassel, Jon Kitna, Vince Young.

RB: BenJarvus Green-Ellis, Felix Jones, Beanie Wells.

WR: Lee Evans, Dez Bryant, Chad Ochocinco.

Flex (RB/WR/TE): Shonn Greene, Ochocinco, Greg Olsen.

Sunday Sixer

(Home team in CAPS)

Last week: 4-2

Season: 15-18-3

BUCS minus 7 over the Panthers: Last week was a much better stretch for me. When I inevitably sink back into my deep prognostication funk, just remember: The picks are free.

STEELERS minus 41/2 over the Patriots: What's the most embarrassing career moment for Tom Brady: the time he posed in GQ with a bunch of farm animals or all the heat he's taking for stealing Justin Bieber's haircut?

Texans plus 11/2 over the JAGS: I haven't picked a Houston game correctly all season. That means I'm due - or not. Did I mention the picks are free?

BEARS plus 1 over the Vikings: Brad Childress and Brett Favre should grab their weapons of choice and do battle on the field at halftime. The ratings would be huge.

Jets minus 3 over the BROWNS: Eric Mangini's crew can't win two big games in a row. Probably. Temper your enthusiasm when reading this section. (Free. The picks are totally free.)

Eagles minus 31/2 over the REDSKINS: Donovan McNabb and Mike Shanahan are on the outs. This game will not double as couples counseling.