Morning Bytes: 'Vick Project': A sneak peek

(News Item) "This February BET will premiere "The Michael Vick Project," an eight-part series about his comeback from a dogfighting conviction."

Here's a sneak preview of the episodes:

Week 1 - After the recently paroled felon conducts his first news conference, he gets some much-needed media coaching from Andy Reid. "OK, Mike, here goes. Injuries. You were a little nicked up in the court of public opinion. That's on me. I've got to put you in a better position. Other than that, I thought you did a nice job out there today. That's a heck of a media corps over there. Time's yours."

Week 2 - Vick begins learning the Eagles' offense, working particularly closely with QB Donovan McNabb. "As my backup, you're going to need an intimate understanding of the way we run the West Coast, Mike. It's quite complex. Basically, you take the snap, run around like crazy to avoid all the unblocked pass-rushers and then throw the ball at a receiver's feet. Do that consistently and you can have a long career here."

Week 3 - Vick attends a Humane Society meeting where he issues a heartfelt apology. "I was wrong. I made a dreadful mistake. There have been nights where I've cried myself to sleep. But there's nothing I can do. If they pick up my option, I'll be stuck on the Eagles' bench again next season."

Week 4 - The quarterback is schooled in the Eagles' version of the Wildcat. "See, in this set, you're gonna sprint down to the fire hydrant, then hide behind a car. When DeSean rolls out, you pop up and shout, 'I'm open! Hey, over here, I'm open! C'mon guys, I'm open!' "

Week 5 - On a return trip to Atlanta, the onetime Falcons QB is stopped by security in Hartsfield Airport when a suspicious substance is detected in his water bottle. Vick insists it's merely rat droppings from a recent visit to the State Capitol cafeteria in Harrisburg. Authorities confiscate the bottle to run further tests.

Week 6 - Vick is named the winner of the Ed Block Courage Award. The inscription on the award, which honors players who "exemplify commitment to the principles of sportsmanship and tax-evasion" reads in part: ". . . for 14 weeks, with little regard for his career or his psychological well-being, Mr. Vick was held captive on the Eagles sideline. At one point, he daringly held his ground, refusing to run, as Dave Spadaro approached. On another occasion, he was forced to hoist Joe Banner up on his shoulders when the Eagles president demanded a better view."

Week 7 - In order to make amends to the dog-loving community, Vick purchases a schnauzer. Within days, the dog has set up a human-fighting ring in the quarterback's basement.

Week 8 - After a regular season in which he threw 13 passes and ran the ball 24 times, Vick is named to the NFC's Pro Bowl team. When the move ignites widespread criticism, the quarterback defends himself. "Hey, Jason Peters made it too, didn't he?"

The NBA'S Black Hole. The Los Angeles Clippers are where No. 1 draft picks go to die.

Now, Blake Griffin, the top overall selection in the most recent draft, is injured and out for the season. (If he ever again approaches the promise L.A. saw in him, dinner at the State Capitol is on me.)

The list of the Clippers' No. 1 disasters is too lengthy to recount here, but among them were Michael Olowokandi, Lorenzen Wright, Terry Dehere, Lancaster Gordon and their very first selection ever, Princeton's John Hummer.

That's more bad choices than Vick made.

Come back, Tiger. This is the Year of the Tiger for the Chinese, but not the PGA.

Good luck to golf in its quest to garner TV ratings without Tiger Woods. Now that we've long grown accustomed to Woods' presence, trying to watch a tournament without him is like attempting to get through an episode of The Andy Griffith Show after Barney Fife departed.

Off-season activity. Some Eagles will have an interesting off-season:

Jason Peters and Asante Samuel will work in a block-and-tackle shop.

Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb will appear on TV's Extreme Makeover.

Michael Vick will be a judge at the Westminster Dog Show.

Macho Harris will petition a Virginia court for a name change.

Several Eagles running backs will guest star on Lost.

NASCAR Note of the Week. NASCAR has ambitions to become a more culturally diverse sport.

It won't be easy.

Here is an e-mail one sportswriter received after noting that Bruton Smith was planning to build three tracks in the Middle Eastern nation of Qatar.

"I hope a camel defecates on his head and any driver that races over there."

To paraphrase a Scripture verse, it will be easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for NASCAR to de-Bubba-fy.