Here's what your draft's first round probably looked like: 1. Peterson, 2. Turner, 3. Forte, 4. Jones Drew, 5. D. Williams, 6. Tomlinson, 7. C. Johnson, 8. Brees, 9. S. Jackson, 10. Fitzgerald, 11. A. Johnson, 12. Moss.

And here are your league's top performers through two weeks: 1. Brees. 2. Peterson, 3. Gore, 4. C. Johnson, 5. McGahee, 6. F. Jackson, 7. Barber, 8. Sproles, 9. Manningham, 10. V. Jackson, 11. Colston, 12. Flacco.

P to the U. Nine of 12 from outside the first round, five of those nine from beyond the first four rounds, and one (Mario F. Manningham . . . F is for Fantasy!) from outside the solar system. Yeah, that makes sense. Peyton and Eli aren't the Manning you want. Ham is the Manning you want.

So what position does that leave you in? Fetal position, same as when you drafted. But life's rules remain the same: 1) never trust a big butt and a smile and b) don't hit the reset button after two weeks. And iii) don't do drugs.

There's still hope (unless you drafted the mummified remains of LT). Turner's gone up against tough defenses. Mojo Drew, DeAngelo, Stevie Jacko all had slower starts last year. Fitz and Moss will be fine as long as Warner and Brady stay upright. Forte's been disappointing but chalk that up to the Mike Seaver-type growing pains he's going through with Cutler. (Cutler, of course, playing Boner.)

Tell your goomah and the schmohawk who drafted Peterson that fake football is not won with drafts. It's won with the moves you make between Weeks 1 and 14. And by attacking the waiver wire with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind. And by benching Tony Romo when someone tells you to bench Tony Romo.

Now go rent Doc Brown's DeLorean, flux your capacitor to two weeks ago, and draft Manningham, idiot.

Week 3

Must starts

Fred Jackson vs. Saints. If you have F Jax I'll guarantee two things: you're probably 2-0 and you're definitely considering both legal and illegal ways of extending Marshawn Lynch's suspension.

Felix Jones vs. Panthers. No-brainer, here. Barber will be a game-time decision and tackling Jones is like hugging smoke.

LeSean McCoy vs. Chiefs. Westbrook is banged up. Also, water is wet.

Eli Manning vs. Buccaneers. Tampa's D allows a league worst 10.1 yards a pass attempt, which means just about nothing two games in, but Eli's looked great and girls in bikinis dig big stats.

Must sits

Anyone on the Browns, Broncos and Chiefs not named Christian Okoye. (The sun rises, the sun sets and I work in Tecmo Super Bowl.)

Cedric Benson vs. Steelers. He's been great for you early on, but so were tightie whities. You're going to want to give your boys some room to breathe.

Julius Jones vs. Bears. You can't predict the unpredictable. You can't un-predict the predictable. Julius Jones is predictably unpredictable. Treasure this information.

Titans D vs. Jets. They had negative-eight points last week in my Pardon The Horn league. That's a one-week suspension and the go-ahead to green-light that script you have in the trunk: Jon, Kate and the Titans D Minus 8.

Fearless prediction

Marques Colston for 200 yards vs. Bills. Catching balls from Brees must be easier than high-fiving the Hamburger Helper guy.

Stupid prediction

Kevin Smith and Calvin Johnson both over 100 vs. Redskins, and the Lions win for the first time in 21 months. I have zero basis for saying this.

Fearless, stupid prediction

Michael Vick will outgain Brian Westbrook. Water's still wet, Westbrook's still banged up and Vick's now in the mix. 15 snaps, eight touches and a vultured TD.

Reali-ty bites

Can we talk about that tractor scene in Mad Men? Equal parts Sopranos and American Psycho. Is it OK that I thought the blood being squeegeed off the window was hysterical? . . . Chad Ochocinco paying the way for Bengals fans to cushion his Lambeau leap was brilliant. Finding the three Bengals fans was miraculous. . . . Ever walk through an airport and wonder "who eats the sushi at the sushi bar in Terminal 4?" I do. Or did. In Pittsburgh. I say that because Greg Jennings' donut last week hit me worse than that RoethlisToro. I'm looking into buying out the entire front row at Lambeau so his next leap is into a pit of porcupines. . . . My fantasy golf team, "Inglourious Bogeys," is in the midst of yakking away a 20-week lead. It all rides on Steve Marino and Jason Dufner. I live a pathetic existence. . . . Jerry Jones' new Cowboys Stadium is selling tickets that don't necessarily allow you into the stadium. You watch TV in a concourse. Yes, really. Next, your airline will sell tickets that only allow you to go through security. . . . Week 3, T-Minus soon. This is why we play the fake games. Watch curiously. Fantasize rigorously.

Tony Reali writes a weekly fantasy football column for

The Inquirer. He is the host of "Around the Horn" on ESPN.