You Talking to Me? Super Bowl: When bad food is good

From: Gonzalez, John

To: Ford, Bob; Sheridan, Phil

Subject: Food and feuds

The Cancer Project has released a report of the "unhealthiest Super Bowl party foods." No. 1 on the list is Domino's Deep Dish MeatZZa Feast. Also in the top five are Papa John's Meats Pan Crust Pizza and KFC's new Honey BBQ Wings.

All of which sound delicious, frankly. I'm all for trying to get people to eat healthier, but this is sort of a buzzkill. Super Bowl Sunday is about two things - football and unapologetic gluttony.

Meanwhile, one of our readers is concerned that Ford and I have an "intense feud" and that we might hate each other. I assured the guy that there's no "might" about it, and that all the opinions expressed in this space are 100 percent sincere.

From: Sheridan, Phil

To: Gonzalez, John; Ford, Bob

Subject: Food and feuds

I know how hard it is to keep you two separated via e-mail.

Those things sound delicious to me, too. Buzzkill is right. It reminds me of the decision to re-purpose Cookie Monster as a veggie-loving beast. I mean, come on.

Then again, you look around and an awful lot of people seem to be overweight and in need of a new approach to their diet. Of course, I'm in the media workroom at the Super Bowl. Not a lot of hard bodies in here.

From: Ford, Bob

To: Gonzalez, John; Sheridan, Phil

Subject: Food and feuds

I'm really excited about the Super Bowl. I'm going for the tofu falafel and, call me crazy, but I think I'll have some fat-free ranch dip with the raw vegetables. Hoo-wee. Springing for the spring water, too.

Gonzologist, are you telling me people are reading this stuff? I never considered that. And they are worried you and I have a feud? Well, you just assure them that we are best buddies. Anyway, a feud would require two relatively equal foes. You keep bringing a crayon to this intellectual knife fight.

From: Sheridan, Phil

To: Gonzalez, John; Ford, Bob

Subject: Food and feuds

Oh, now it's on. On like Donkey Kong. On like Brian's Song. On like Tommy Chong.

From: Ford, Bob

To: Gonzalez, John; Sheridan, Phil

Subject: Food and feuds

I love Brian Piccolo.

From: Gonzalez, John

To: Ford, Bob; Sheridan, Phil

Subject: Food and feuds

What in God's name are you two talking about? I step away from the computer and leave you guys alone for two hours and everything crumbles.

Re: Our feud. Knives. Crayons. Regardless of the weapon, I don't think you should be using the word intellectual to describe whatever it is we do here.

From: Ford, Bob

To: Gonzalez, John; Sheridan, Phil

Subject: Food and feuds

I'm sorry, Gonzomatic. What I'm afraid of is that the readers will learn that your work is actually computer-generated and your picture, tilty and otherwise, is a photo-processing composite come up with by our graphics department when we decided to add a "hipper" element to the section, hoping to "trend" younger with our readership. You are not real, but we're supposed to keep that a secret.

From: Gonzalez, John

To: Ford, Bob; Sheridan, Phil

Subject: Food and feuds

??? Circuit overload. Does not compute.

From: Sheridan, Phil

To: Gonzalez, John; Ford, Bob

Subject: Food and feuds

I know this is sort of an informal thing we do here, but shouldn't it sorta make some kinda sense?

From: Gonzalez, John

To: Ford, Bob; Sheridan, Phil

Subject: Food and feuds

Why start now?