Imagine: Fantasy leagues are not just some fantasy

As I re-read this e-mail, asking you guys for "fantasy advice" is probably one of the dumber ideas I've had in a while - which, considering I recently took a newspaper job as the industry crumbles, is saying something.

From: Sheridan, Phil
To: Ford, Bob; Gonzalez
Subject: Fantasy

Nice try, Gonz, but I'm not falling into this particular trap. Make fun of fantasy leagues and the people who are in them? Why not try to goad me into ripping bloggers or making sweeping generalizations about conservatives or women or anyone else with one finger on the send button? Thank you, but I believe I shall pass.

I will say this, though. It took me a while to catch on to e-mail questions and gripes from readers about specific players and manager/coach decisions about playing time. I thought for too long that we were talking about sports for the sake of sports. It slowly dawned that people were really upset that they "started" Player X on their fantasy team and were furious the guy didn't get any passes thrown his way or at-bats with runners on.

From: Gonzalez, John
To: Ford, Bob; Sheridan, Phil
Subject: Fantasy

Fine. Cower instead of rising to the challenge. Be mice instead of men.

 You're right, though. I was baiting you. Call me Lito. . . . Speaking of: Was just at the NovaCare. Sheldon Brown is not at all happy with Lito's agent, and Lito says it's not his problem if Drew Rosenhaus belittles Sheldon. When someone pointed out that Lito hired Rosenhaus, and that Rosenhaus is his freakin' agent, Lito said, "So?"

 Well argued.

Just for kicks, I think I'm taking the Eagles' defense in my fantasy draft.

From: Ford, Bob
To: Gonzalez, John; Sheridan, Phil
Subject: Fantasy

Oh, I thought you were just making conversation. Man, I'll be so much hipper when I get a Blueberry.

I know Steve Wulf and some of those guys who invented the first baseball rotisserie league, and a lot of the NBA types who invented what they called the "Bird League" because so much of it was based on the statistical largesse of Larry Bird, who might still be the annual top pick in that draft.

 At one time, I viewed such things with a benign detachment. But then the fantasy disease spread like herpes into every sport, and you couldn't go through a day without someone wanting to tell you about his draft and his lineup and whether he should start Marc Bulger or Mark Belanger. I'd rather have people tell me about their colonoscopies. Just me, probably.

From: Gonzalez, John
To: Ford, Bob; Sheridan, Phil
Subject: Fantasy

We have to wrap this up by 4. . . . I have the aforementioned fantasy draft at 5. Thanks.

From: Sheridan, Phil
To: Gonzalez, John; Sheridan, Phil
Subject: Fantasy

(spit take)

From: Ford, Bob
To: Gonzalez, John; Sheridan, Phil
Subject: Fantasy

Yeah, I have to wrap this up by 4, too. I'm getting my armpits waxed.

Man, it's all coming apart now. This must be how the Beatles felt at the end.

From: Gonzalez, John
To: Ford, Bob; Sheridan, Phil
Subject: Fantasy

Hey, we had a good run of two days, which is about three days longer than anyone expected. Reunion Tour in 10 years. We can play the Philadium.