Gonzo: Get over it: Vick is now a non-issue

While bracing for the forthcoming blows, it's time to empty out the mailbag . . .

Has anything in the annals of Philadelphia sports been beaten to death more thoroughly than the Michael Vick situation? It's hard to believe, but I think you folks have out-hyped ESPN on this non-issue! I forced myself to read the almost one-and-a-half pages of coverage to see if there were anything new, since after all, I read the newspaper for news. I found nothing new. In your article you said the media is just about punched out on what Vick needs to do. I truly hope so, even more than I hope Brett Favre is really retired.

Garland,

I'll agree that the story has grown tiresome, but I wouldn't say it's a "non-issue." A man was shot in the parking lot at a birthday party. That's not a normal occurrence.

I thought Bob Ford wrote the best line about the entire saga: "If a dog had been shot in the parking lot of the Guadalajara restaurant on June 25, Vick would be out of work again. Instead, it was just a man, so everything's going to blow over eventually."

Hard to argue that point.

As for news about what actually happened that night, part of the reason why there hasn't been much is because the Eagles and Vick have stonewalled. The entire organization has gone Andy Reid on us - blink, breath, grumble, but never say what you know or think. It's aggravating. And yet it's also impressive they're all so message disciplined. The Birds could teach a cloak-and-dagger seminar at Langley. In lieu of a Super Bowl or even honesty, I suppose that's something.

It is none of your business who called Vick (to tell him about the shooting). But what you may want to check out is which one of your media colleagues paid (Quanis) Phillips to show up and conveniently be shot in the leg and then disappear. 

- JM

JM,

I'm going to tell you a secret: Journalists don't report the news, we manufacture it. The Plumbers didn't do the Watergate burglary; Woodward and Bernstein did, then they framed the president and created careers. A handful of Dallas Morning News reporters were seen on the grassy knoll, Walter Cronkite faked the moon landing and Katie Couric injected A-Rod with 'roids. And you don't even want to know who actually stained Monica Lewinsky's dress.

- Gonzo

Growing up as a tall, first base playing, lefthanded Phillies fan in the '80s, I can only say that your Von Hayes crack at the end of [the] "Domonic Brown hype" article is classic. Nicely done. 

- Dave

Dave,

No one, except for maybe Steve Jeltz, reminds me more of my misspent youth watching the mid-to-late-'80s Phils more than VH. I've filed him away with the rest of my cringe-worthy memories from that era: parachute pants, spiked hair, and the day I sent a letter to Alf (who still hasn't gotten back to me).

- Gonzo

Really cheap shot on Von Hayes. Wake me when Dynamic Brown leads the league in doubles, runs scored and finishes eighth in MVP voting one year for a just-above .500 Phillies team, or hits two home runs, including a grand slam in one inning.
- Ken

Ken,

He finished eighth in the MVP voting one year? What a remarkable achievement for a guy involved in a five-for-one trade.

You should contact VH immediately. He'll almost certainly hire you as his PR agent and aide-de-camp.

- Gonzo

Maybe the NBA should go to a format like the English professional soccer leagues. The top league (Premier) is in a separate league from the lower league but some of the Premier League teams are dropped at the end of the season and some of the second league's teams move up to the Premier. Another stipulation of the secondary league would be no Gangsta Bunny mascots.

- John

John,

I dig the idea, though I doubt the 76ers would be thrilled with being relegated to the Charles Shackleford B Division.

Re: Hip Hop. Did you know that the Gangsta Bunny now has a Twitter account? It's true and sad. I wonder how he presses the keys with his giant, fur-covered fingers.

- Gonzo

You are nothing but a smart-ass punk and should be writing for the Trailer Park Gazette. Is that why you're no longer in Dallas or Boston? How 'bout putting this in your weekly published mailbag so you'll have some smart-mouthed comment to say?

- Zampfyre

Z,

I'm no longer in Dallas or Boston because I'm from here and The Inquirer was kind (confused?) enough to hire me and bring me home. As for the TP Gazette, I applied years ago and never heard back. I think they were busy cooking up a batch of meth or something when my resume was slipped under the double-wide door. I feel good about my chances with Hacks Quarterly, though.

- Gonzo