IS LIVE CHATTING EAGLES-BEARS
Early yesterday afternoon, a line drive was smacked to left field, and Gary Sheffield started after it - slowly. The way Sheffield loafed after the ball reminded me of the famous scene in Bull Durham when the skipper and Larry are dressing down the team and calling the players a bunch of lollygaggers.
So Sheffield trotted toward the ball, then lifted his glove with typical Mets insouciance. Little Leaguers everywhere were no doubt horrified that Sheffield didn't use two hands, and sure enough the ball bounced out and unceremoniously fell to the ground at Citi Field. Somewhere, Tom Emanski wept.
In fairness to Sheffield, he was battling what appeared to be a brutal sun. But even in the shade, those kinds of gaffes happen to the Mets all the time. And you know what that makes them, Larry?
Lollygaggers.
There was a time when watching the Mets dog it was nearly as satisfying as watching the Phils excel. Not anymore. The Amazin's have been anything but this year, and after the Phils finished crushing them in Queens yesterday they now sit an incredible 16 1/2 games behind the Fightin's. Suddenly, the Mets have turned into the Pirates, only with slightly better digs. It's hard to enjoy pounding on a crew that hopeless and pathetic.
The entire four-game series was one long embarrassment for the Mets (Cole Hamels' poor outing aside). Pedro Martinez beat his old team. Jayson Werth and Carlos Ruiz each hit three-run homers. Ryan Howard hit a monster homer to left yesterday, then in his next at-bat delivered a souvenir into the hands of a fan sitting in the upper deck in right. Even Eric Bruntlett (!) heaped shame upon the Mets by recording just the second unassisted triple play to end a game in baseball's long history.
On top of all that, the painfully overmatched Mets had to face Cliff Lee, and one Mets fan ended up immortalized on an Internet video after a visiting Phillies fan threw a beer (and a few punches) at his head. None of that went well for New York. It was ugly stuff all the way around.
Word came out of New York recently that Mets owner Fred Wilpon will retain Omar Minaya as the general manager. Minaya, in turn, expressed confidence in manager Jerry Manuel. Sure, the Mets have suffered a slew of injuries, but the men ultimately responsible for a season of abject buffoonery were healthy all year long. And now it looks like they'll be back again next season. A year ago, that prospect would have made me giddy. Today it leaves me empty.
Watching the Mets fail used to be so much fun. Now it's just sad.
Here's a little secret: Access to the Eagles' locker room at the NovaCare Complex isn't all it's made out to be. It's fairly boring, actually. Most of the time, the players are off hiding somewhere while the reporters stand around gabbing with each other about the same old stuff. (Our favorite topic: The media industry's long, painful decline.) But every now and then, if you're lucky, something bizarre unfolds and you get to write it down in your notebook and then report the madness later on. Yesterday was that sort of day.
"What are you trying to say?" Andrews asked. "That I'm going to die?"
Awkward.
The two parties stared at each other in silence for a second while the rest of us just stood there and tried to act invisible. Eventually, the reporter assured Andrews that, no, he didn't think Andrews was going to die anytime soon.
More blinking. More silence. More weirdness. Then everyone just sort of slowly backed away and dispersed.
It was a little like being in the middle of one of those really uncomfortable episodes of The Office - only without Steve Carell's comedic genius or John Krasinski's sense of timing.
Cheddar Bob, otherwise known as former Giants receiver Plaxico Burress, will be on E:60 tonight (ESPN, 7 p.m.). . . . A new site called fantasysportsinsurance.com is offering real insurance policies for your fake fantasy team. Yet another idea I wish I had thought of first. The founders are going to be rich. . . . I'm probably one of the few, but I kind of dig SportsNation on ESPN. Michelle Beadle is pretty good, and Colin Cowherd doesn't annoy me on TV as much as he does on the radio. And I like the fake phone calls. Good shtick. . . . For the last week or so, Comcast SportsNet has been teasing a "major announcement" about its lineup. I wonder if it will be something big or if CSN is simply tricking us to get our attention - sort of the way a carny overhypes the bearded lady so he can charge the rubes two bits a gander. If you're interested, the indefatigable Michael Barkann will make the announcement today at 6 p.m. FYI: The bearded lady is usually a hirsute dude dressed in drag. Sorry to ruin it for you.
Contact columnist John Gonzalez at 215-854-2813 or gonzalez@phillynews.com.
