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Some teams giving master classes in acting

From flopping to (wink, wink) pick plays, some athletes and teams are better at putting on a show than others.

IN THE AFTERMATH of the controversial penalty call Saturday night that cost Notre Dame a victory over Florida State, Irish coach Brian Kelly said indignantly that "We don't coach illegal plays" and that "Florida State blew the coverage and got rewarded for it."

Whether you are with him or against him, the play in question raises another yellow flag that could doom the Irish's second chance at this bowl playoff thing.

His players are terrible actors.

All C.J. Prosise or Will Fuller had to do on that play was to pretend he was trying to catch the ball. Raise your arms, son, spin around if you like, scream, "I'm open, I'm open," if you think it would help.

Guaranteed your team would be the undefeated second-ranked team today and the other guys would be lamenting how confused and disjointed they looked before the ball was snapped.

What's that, you say? Sports outcomes are not, and should not be, dictated by acting ability?

Athletes shouldn't be required to act?

Right.

And you were chipped out of what iceberg?

(You'll never guess what happened to amateur athletics while you were frozen.)

Sports these days are all about the performing arts. Basketball players are taught to skid across the floor whenever an opponent nudges them while touching the ball. Catchers are coached to coax strikes by ever-so-subtly pulling that fringe pitch into the strike zone. And pick plays in football are technically illegal, but pretend you're trying to catch the ball while you're doing it and there's no sheriff in the land who will catch you.

Oh, I know it's something we don't like to talk about. It's even something they've tried to legislate out of some sports, albeit feebly and often comically. There's a diving penalty in hockey now, but when's the last time anyone was called for it without also penalizing the other guy he's trying to fake out? It's as if the referee raises his hand when he sees the player fly through the air with the greatest of ease, realizes he's been conned, and "fixes" it by sending the belly whopper to the penalty box with the innocent player.

The ref's rationale: Oh, he was tripped all right. He just didn't need to act as if he'd been shot out of a cannon on the way down.

In fact, he's not being penalized for acting. He's being penalized for overacting.

Like Jim Carrey.

Or Chris Berman.

And then there is soccer. Most American viewers think the constant flopping and pleading with officials make the sport look silly and unbecoming. Most Europeans think we're silly for thinking that.

And that we live in glass houses.

Just imagine what a typical NBA game looks like to them.

Or a typical baseball uniform. Try explaining to your next (first?) European friend what function the knickers and the socks provide. Makes for a lively conversation.

They don't provide anything, of course, other than continuity of tradition. Just don't call it a costume, because, well, that's what actors wear.

Anyone see the Seattle-St. Louis game Sunday? Seems the Seahawks have been getting an edge on special teams coverage this season by running to whatever side the blocking wedge is formed on. They acted as if they knew where the ball was headed without actually tracking it, and it worked just fine until someone else with a flair for theater arts - enter Rams coach Jeff Fisher - caught on to them and slapped together his own alternate ending, to the delight of sports thespians everywhere.

C'mon, tell me you couldn't watch, like, another 20 times, Seattle run to the wrong side of the field as Stedman Bailey takes the ball 90 yards down the opposite sideline. How many touch football games over Thanksgiving do you think that will be tried in?

Unsuccessfully, too.

But then again, we're not professional actors.

Athletes are. Or should be. Because whether we're talking about the fake punt executed perfectly by the Rams later, or selling your pick as a pass route, your performance is being graded by those in charge of interpreting the rules, and they are, as well all know, very human.

If you're a Notre Dame fan, you are probably still angry at those ACC refs. But they, like those silly Seattle players on the punt return, are just as gullible to a good acting job.

Maybe Kelly doesn't coach illegal plays. But he might want to spend a little more time in the future having his players make them look more, um, legal.

On Twitter: @samdonnellon