Malcolm Moran: Paterno lived and died with football

STATE COLLEGE, Pa. - There had been too many mistakes and too much frustration for Joe Paterno to fully appreciate what was happening around him.

It was the end of the first half at Bryant-Denny Stadium on Sept. 11, 2010, and his Nittany Lions had fallen behind the Crimson Tide, 17-0. Twice the Lions had driven deep into Alabama territory, and each drive ended abruptly with a mistake. Any chance to challenge the defending national champion was slipping away in the searing heat.

But as the first half ended and Paterno ran toward the southwest corner of the end zone, something remarkable was happening in the stands. The fans in crimson at that end of the stadium were standing and cheering for the visiting coach. The closer Paterno came to the stands, the louder the noise grew. Finally, he raised his right fist and pumped it toward the sky before he disappeared.

For many Crimson Tide fans, the return of Paterno had made them feel, if only for one weekend, as if Paul "Bear" Bryant had been able to return, too.

"We all came to love Penn State and JoePa when they made their visits south," the Rev. Louis Skipper, associate rector at St. Matthew's Episcopal Church in Madison, Ala., wrote the week before the game. "I'm almost 60 now and will be back in Tuscaloosa when the great man returns with his team again. It will be like laying the last flowers on Coach Bryant's grave."

Now they are both gone, joined in the history of their game by their achievements and the memorable confrontations of their teams, but now, more than anything else, by an eerie connection that Paterno had feared for years.

He had spoken on several occasions about the frighteningly small gap between Bryant's final game and the day he passed away. In so many ways, Paterno appeared capable of a long and rewarding retirement. Paterno admitted to feeling guilty about how the game, with all its demands, had taken him away from his children. And the same thing was happening with his grandchildren.

There was always the chance that one day he would be the game's leading ambassador. Just over a year ago, after Paterno was named winner of the Gerald R. Ford Award, NCAA president Mark Emmert said: "For me, Coach Paterno is the definitive role model of what it means to be a college coach."

A little more than seven months ago, as Paterno joined Duke basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski for a memorable session on the Penn State campus, the coach of the Blue Devils said, "Actually, I think your statue should be bigger," and everyone laughed.

Bryant gave up cigarettes only after it was much too late. Paterno's long walks had helped him deal with serious injuries over the last six years.

I sat in each of their offices, in sessions nearly 26 years apart, and asked how they envisioned arriving at the end of their careers. Each of the sessions took place after their programs had returned to an elite level from subpar seasons.

Bryant, during the 1979 season, was on his way to a second consecutive national championship.

"If it stays at the same level, I'll coach till I die," he said. "Till they fire me or I die."

Bryant announced his retirement on Dec. 15, 1982. His last game, on Dec. 29, was a victory over Illinois in the Liberty Bowl.

He died on Jan. 26, 1983.

Paterno, late in the 2005 season, was on his way to an Orange Bowl victory over Florida State that completed a return to an elite level. Several times over the years, he had spoken of the fear of living with the void when a professional life ends.

"Someday," he said, "I've got to sit down and say: 'What are you going to do on a Saturday? What are you going to do when you wake up and you're going to play at Michigan State and you've got to get some game plans together and you've got to look at some tapes and you've got to get yourself fired up and you want to do it.'. . . I'm sure I'm going to wake up some morning and say, 'Hey, enough's enough.' But I don't know when."

That day never arrived. His retirement announcement, in the wake of the shocking allegations of child sex abuse against former assistant coach Jerry Sandusky, was quickly overshadowed - and overruled - by the late-night announcement by the Penn State board of trustees that he was no longer the head coach.

Paterno's last game, on Oct. 29, had been a victory over Illinois in the cold and snow of Beaver Stadium.

His coaching career was ended by the announcement on Nov. 9.

His passing was 10 weeks and four days later.