Terrible Phillies cartoon caption contest winners

On Monday, I asked for your best caption suggestions for my new Phillies cartoon. Obviously, there were a LOT of Viagra suggestions, and some were a bit too graphic for our family web site. Congrats to @TheIdleRich (whom many of you will recognize as Daily News sports columnist Rich Hoffman), who came up with the winning caption, posted above.  

Here are the runner-ups:

“Not even Viagra can save the Phillies "wooden" bats!” – Stewbaca

“Just watch, it's like magic. Those zzz's turn into k’s.” – csdrew

“He won't get to "first base" with a bat like that.” – po201566

And award for the most bizarre entry goes to @ZooWithRoy: