Thank you, NFL, for shielding us from sex and violence

The world's luckiest fly on the wall had to be the one that got to sit in on the NFL competition committee meeting discussing what sort of celebrations should warrant a penalty. He must have laughed his wings off.

Bear in mind, many of the men coming up with these ideas have spent most of their lives holed up in dark rooms pouring over video of the most violent of our four major professional sports.

Is anybody more qualified than they are to determine what is or is not suitable for the NFL's apparently dwindling viewing audience?

A crackdown on sex and violence were on the agenda this season.

Simulated bows and arrows? They're out, as we discovered last week after Washington cornerback Josh Norman had the audacity to mimic that motion following an interception against Cleveland.

It's not just your run-of-the-mill unsportsmanlike conduct penalty, either. As referee Jeff Triplette announced, you do something like that again, mister,and you'll be ejected from the game.

Here were Triplette's exact words in letting Norman know how egregious his act had been: "After the play is over, unsportsmanlike conduct, number 24, shooting a bow and arrow. That foul counts as one of those that leads to a disqualification."

Of course it does. Nothing more frightening than an imaginary bow and arrow. It also cost Norman a $10,000 fine and no doubt caused crazed kids everywhere to run out and buy bows and arrows in a plot to take over the planet.

Thank you, NFL, for protecting us from this potential rash of bloody violence. Jordan Matthews would like to make a point, however.

"Every time the Patriots score a touchdown they've got guys in the end zone shooting guns off," the Eagles receiver said. "Are we going to take those guys out? What are we talking about here?"

Don't worry, Jordan, the league is also protecting us against lewd sexual acts like the one we saw from Pittsburgh Steelers star receiver Antonio Brown after his second touchdown against the Kansas City Chiefs last Sunday night. Brown had drawn a flag earlier this season for twerking and now he was back subjecting unsuspecting NFL fans to more dirty dancing.

"The NFL gets mad at that, but then I'll watch the Super Bowl and I think the GoDaddy.com commercials are just as edgy as an Antonio Brown celebration," Matthews said. "It's just that Antonio Brown's celebration isn't making them money."

Well that's not true. The league reportedly will collect a $24,309 fine from Brown for his disgusting act. He was also fined $12,154 for his twerk performance on opening day against Washington.

"I think it's just funny because the argument for guys not doing those things is that it has nothing to do with the game," Matthews said. "Then why should they get flagged for it? If it doesn't slow down the game . . . and if it's not hurting somebody else, then I don't think it should matter. Now if you're possibly saying something to an opponent, that is something that slips into the realm of bad sportsmanship and that shouldn't happen."

Don't worry, Dean Blandino, the vice president of officiating, explained it all during an NFL Network appearance: "The key is if it's a gesture that either mimics a violent act - whether that's something with a firearm or a bow and arrow - or a sexually suggestive act, those are unsportsmanlike conduct. It's something that officials will flag. That's direct from the competition committee. It's something that we're going to continue to try to be as consistent as possible."

Rest easy, America. We are being protected from things we should not see by the league with the shield.

If you had told the New England Patriots that they'd be 3-1 when quarterback Tom Brady returned from his four-game suspension that finally put Deflategate to rest, they'd have happily accepted their fate.

The conventional thinking is that the Patriots will now soar through the final three-quarters of the season and make their 16th playoff appearance in the 18 seasons Brady has been their starter. The last time they did not make the playoffs was 2008, when they lost Brady for the season on opening day and still went 11-5 with Matt Cassel at quarterback.

Brady, of course, will consider nothing short of a fifth Super Bowl title a success. That would also allow him to pass Joe Montana as the NFL quarterback with the most Super Bowl rings and likely end any debate about who is the greatest quarterback of all time.

Here's something to consider, however: Brady is entering rare territory this season just by being a starting quarterback at the age of 39. Most of the game's greatest - Montana, John Elway, and Dan Marino - were retired by Brady's age.

Peyton Manning played last season at 39 and won a Super Bowl, but anybody who watched him knows that Denver won it all in spite of him and not because of him.

Is it possible that Brady's decline will begin now? The answer is very much yes, but I'd never bet against him.

With a victory over the previously unbeaten Ravens in Baltimore last Sunday, the Oakland Raiders improved to 3-1, marking the first time they've had a winning record after four games since 2002. That was also the last time the Raiders finished a season with a winning record. St. Joseph's Prep's Rich Gannon won the NFL MVP award and led the Raiders to an AFC championship that year. This year's Raiders have an outstanding quarterback in Derek Carr (nine TD passes and only one interception) and one of the league's top receiving tandems in Michael Crabtree and Amari Cooper.

On the other side of the bay, coach Chip Kelly's San Francisco 49ers slipped to 1-4 after Thursday night's loss to Arizona, prompting lots of speculation that Colin Kaepernick will replace Blaine Gabbert as the starting quarterback. Kelly wasn't ready to go there after the game, but his team is in desperate need of some offensive help after failing to compile 300 total yards for the third straight game. For the record, the former Eagles coach is 8-16 in his last 24 NFL games after starting his career 19-10.

Sunday early game:

Washington at Baltimore

The home fields of the two Beltway teams are separated by only 32 miles, but they rarely play each other in the regular season. This, in fact, will be only the second time the teams have met in Baltimore. The Ravens lead the series, 3-2. After starting 0-2, Washington has registered consecutive wins over the Giants and Cleveland with the help of six takeaways.

Cincinnati at Dallas

With three straight wins after an opening-day loss to the Giants, the Cowboys have emerged as the biggest NFC East threat to the surprising Eagles. It's possible the entire division is better than originally anticipated. It's the only one without a losing team. This game should offer a better read on that as the 2-2 Bengals will be in need of a victory to keep pace with Pittsburgh and Baltimore in the rugged NFC North.

Sunday night:

N.Y. Giants at Green Bay

The schedule makers did not do the Giants any favors by giving them back-to-back games in Minnesota and Green Bay, especially considering the Packers are coming off a bye week. Green Bay coach Mike McCarthy is 8-2 following byes, and four Packers defensive players, including Clay Matthews, are expected to return after missing the previous game against Detroit.

Monday night:

Tampa Bay at Carolina

This was supposed to be the year Buccaneers quarterback Jameis Winston took a huge step forward. Hasn't happened. Famous Jameis has thrown eight interceptions, been sacked 10 times, and lost a fumble for the 1-3 Bucs. This was also supposed to be the year that Carolina took that final step toward a Super Bowl title. Hasn't happened. Through four weeks, the 1-3 Panthers have allowed 29.5 points per game. That's 10.2 more per game than a year ago.

bbrookover@phillynews.com

@brookob