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Giving 'Em Fitz: Marathon madness: Going the distance can be going too far

Two competitors died in the Philadelphia long-distance races Sunday, and perhaps it's time to raise this serious question about marathons:

Two competitors died in the Philadelphia long-distance races Sunday, and perhaps it's time to raise this serious question about marathons:

Why?

After all, human beings were not built to go 26.2 miles at a clip.

You want to jog on a treadmill? Fine. You want to do four laps around the high school track? Fine. But if you feel compelled to run on asphalt for three-plus hours, pushing your body to the brink of catatonia, you really ought to consider therapy.

I don't get it. Exactly what point is being made by emulating the suicide of a Greek messenger 2,500 years ago?

Sure, Pheidippides ran from the Marathon battlefield to Athens to relay news of a Greek victory, but I guarantee you he didn't volunteer for the mission. And if the technology had been available, you can be sure he'd have stayed home and tweeted.

#Marathon. Zeus be praised! The Persians go DOWN!!! 2G2BT! Psyched to read Homer's account in tomorrow's Daily Parthenon. GREEKS RULE!!!!

Perhaps those obsessed with marathon running are merely manifesting some primal human need to punish themselves. But I'd suggest that if torture is the goal, there are far easier ways to achieve it - self-mutilation, self-flagellation, Dancing with the Stars.

I know, to complete a 26.2-mile run is to have met a great challenge, to have tested oneself against the limits of endurance. But whatever the psychological benefits, they surely must be outweighed by the physical toll so much running exacts on the body.

You seldom see a smile at the completion of a marathon. Instead, what you witness is discomfort, exhaustion, and way too many skinny old men in skimpy shorts.

And think about some of the common side effects of marathoning - blisters, nausea, dehydration, cramps, shin splints, stress fractures. In other words, all the ailments that typically put Jose Reyes on the disabled list over the course of a baseball season.

Then there's the competitors' practice of carb loading. Runners chow down on pasta and beer because the liver and muscles then convert those carbohydrates into energy.

Frankly, that sounds like faulty science to me. I know that whenever I pound the Budweiser and pizza, I can hardly get off the couch.

Finally, there's this mystery about marathons: Whenever a horse dies in a big race, there is an outcry for reform, even calls for prohibition of the sport. Yet two human beings succumb and there's hardly a peep of protest.

Sounds like the kind of moral conundrum Pheidippides' old buddy Socrates might have pondered.

Food for thought

Eagles coach Andy Reid termed the pivotal fourth-quarter play Sunday on which Jason Avant made a drive-saving catch and Evan Mathis was hurt, "like sweet and sour pork."

Food analogies, not surprisingly, come easily to Reid. Here are some others he's probably made:

On DeSean Jackson's personal foul Sunday night: "Like choking on a hot dog."

On how he'd characterize Jackson's contract demands: "Like doughnuts."

On Steve Smith's no-first-down dive against Arizona: "Like chicken livers."

On the nature of Michael Vick's injury: "Like prime ribs."

Tough new standards

Baseball is really cracking down on the use of smokeless tobacco.

Under the sport's draconian new labor deal, players will still be able to use the carcinogenic stuff, but they can no longer carry tobacco cans in their back pockets.

Ouch!

In addition:

Players will again be permitted to use amphetamines as long as they don't call them "greenies."

Hitters will again be able to cork their bats as long as they don't tell anyone.

Pitchers will again be able to scuff the ball, but only with MLB-approved sandpaper.

Headlines of the week

"Niners' line shows it can do more than open running lanes in New York Life Protection Index" - You should see the domination against a Prudential spreadsheet.

"Loud music led to Halman's homicide" - Comic books ruled out.

"Swinney says mistakes hurting 18th-ranked Tigers" - That's odd. Don't mistakes usually help?

"FAMU band shut down while death investigated" - Tuba held without bail.