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Not a dancer. One of my buddies was when he was a kid, and we made fun of him mercilessly about it. Still do. So explain to me what I'm missing here. Because I got several e-mails last night from guys and girls alike about Dancing With the Stars and how utterly fantastic it is.
I can honestly say I've only seen about five minutes of the show, and that was because my girlfriend at the time requested I take a look. That's not some Cro-Magnon, it's-not-manly-to-watch reflex, either. I watch the Food Network, and 90210 was, at one point, one of my favorite shows on TV. I enjoy some non-sports and/or lowbrow TV watching. I just don't understand the dancing appeal (nor do I understand why American Idol is equally well-regarded).
All that said, SportsCenter informs me that Warren Sapp is on the show this time around. The idea of watching a man that large attempt to dip some tiny dancer is intriguing in a sideshow sort of way. Then again, why not get him a unicycle and a bear suit and have him peddle in circles for our amusement?
From: Ford, Bob
To: Gonzalez, John; Sheridan, Phil
Subject: Dancing, anyone?
You know my reputation for being averse to popular culture. I don't watch that stuff. My general belief is that anything that holds the fascination of a majority of my fellow Americans has to be utterly without merit. Rarely has that been proved wrong.
From: Gonzalez, John
To: Ford, Bob; Sheridan, Phil
Subject: Dancing, anyone?
I always suspected you were a communist, Ford. Why do you hate America? Maybe we've gotten it wrong concerning Dancing and Idol but look at everything we've gotten right: iPods, fantasy football, BlackBerries, those little American-flag lapel pins that demonstrate our patriotism to the world. Join the majority, Ford. We have Big Macs.
Upon further review, I think I may be missing out on Dancing With the Stars. A little Internet research informs me that one Kim Kardashian is on the show. You may know Kardashian because she dates Reggie Bush. Or you may know her from her E! TV show, Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Or, like the rest of us - like the majority of Americans - you may know her from the fabulous sex video she was in that was all over the Internet.
See, stick with the mainstream. These are the sorts of things we know.
From: Bob, Ford
To: Gonzalez, John; Sheridan, Phil
Subject: Dancing, anyone?
Never heard of her. And what is this Big Mac thing of which you speak?
From: Gonzalez, John
To: Ford, Bob; Sheridan, Phil
Subject: Dancing, anyone?
While I'm thinking of it, the two of you are influential scribes. I'd like for you to lobby Andy Reid to appear on Dancing With the Stars. That's a show I would most certainly watch.
From: Ford, Bob
To: Gonzalez, John; Sheridan, Phil
Subject: Dancing, anyone?
I have it on good authority that Mormons only dance upon discovering the sacred tablets of Shawn Bradley that are buried somewhere near Poughkeepsie.
From: Sheridan, Phil
To: Ford, Bob; Gonzalez, John
Subject: Dancing, anyone?
These are words I never thought I would type: Can we please talk about your fantasy team?
My only three words on the topic of Dancing With the Stars: read a book.
I can get you my mom's e-mail address, though. She watches Dancing With the Stars every week.
From: Gonzalez, John
To: Ford, Bob; Sheridan, Phil
Subject: Dancing, anyone?
Currently reading one by Bill Bryson. Not bad, though I'm not sure I'd recommend it. He's sort of a poor man's J. Maarten Troost - a writer I would most definitely recommend. Getting Stoned With Savages is brilliant.
Oh, I just traded Randy Moss for Philip Rivers, and I feel good about it.
You asked.
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