Does Billy Packer have a life outside of basketball?

Good question. The normal basketball fervor displayed by CBS' High Hoopster spills over into fanaticism during the tourney. He reminds me of those devout Shiite Muslims who flagellate themselves on the holiday of Ashura. "Praise be to Roy Williams. Ouch. Praise be to Roy Williams. Ouch."

Is West Virginia coach Bob Huggins doing a better job with academics than he did at Cincinnati?

I called to ask, but he was in the library. How could he not improve? If a Mountaineer cracked a book this season, it marked a career high for Huggins. His graduation rates at Cincinnati, especially among African Americans, often were as abysmal as Pete Rose's lie-detector scores.

Which coaches do you like? How about Tony Bennett?

Love his ballads. But the hairpiece has to go. Beyond him, I just hope that whoever wins isn't named Huggins or Pitino.

You attended Wisconsin back in the 1960s. Does that mean you're pulling for the Badgers?

Hardly. I went there so long ago that basketball was only the fourth-most popular sport on campus, after football, hockey, and draft-card burning. It was so long ago that Crazy Legs Hirsch's appendages were only mildly disturbed.

What do you think of Davidson's Stephen Curry?

I think somebody ought to check his birth certificate. The kid looks like he ought to be making his First Communion this May.

Do you think Wisconsin's Michael Flowers can contain Curry?

It'll be tough. I eat a lot of curry, the spicier the better, and few things are more difficult to contain.

Does Villanova have a chance against Kansas?

Of course. Anything can happen in an NCAA tournament - short of Billy Packer saying, "Jim, this game is pathetic. I'm leaving. If you need me, I'll be at Tony Bennett's hairstylist." Don't you remember 1957? That year, Wilt Chamberlain's Kansas team lost the final to a North Carolina squad composed of the cast from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

Why do the studio announcers on CBS wear gigantic American flag pins in their lapels?

Beats me. But I'm glad they do. Before they donned the flag pins, I had always assumed Greg Gumbel, Seth Davis and Clark Kellogg were from Madagascar.

What would be the most shocking upset this weekend?

Jay Wright showing up in a blazer and khakis.

Won't miss Chris. Chris Webber, the most notorious bum in Philadelphia sports since YoYo, announced his retirement this week.

It will be retroactive to 2003 to account for the five years when he was as inactive as Fabian.

NASCAR note of the week. NASCAR is right. It has become big-league in the last decade, especially when it comes to corporate sponsorships.

In 1998, the race at Martinsville was called the Goody's Headache Powder 500.

This weekend, when the circuit returns to that tiny Virginia town, it will run the Goody's Cool Orange 500.

Now that's progress.

Try the soy fries, too. I don't know about you, but I can't wait to get down to Citizens Bank Park to try one of those new wheat-gluten chicken cheesesteaks that my colleague Rick Nichols wrote about this week.

There's a surefire way to earn a fortune: selling wheat gluten to Philly's discerning sports fans.

Why? Say what you will about NFL owners, but they never turn their backs on a serious problem.

During this week's Florida meeting, the owners are tackling an issue that threatens to destroy the game's popularity: whether to permit players' hair to fall below the names on their jerseys.

Once that's resolved, sources say, the owners will move on to other serious problems, like whether Jerry Jones should be allowed to get another face-lift or whether PacMan Jones can use a hyphen in his first name.