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He couldn't go the stall. Not yesterday morning.
"I couldn't face it, that's the honest truth," Dean Richardson, Barbaro's surgeon, said yesterday afternoon. "I just couldn't go there. . . . I have to go up there this afternoon to look at another patient, but this morning, I couldn't make myself go there."
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The first morning without Barbaro in his corner stall at the intensive-care unit at the University of Pennsylvania's New Bolton Center had to be roughest on the man in charge of his care for the last eight months.
Owners say Barbaro inspires talk of a museum for great local race horses. A1.
Contact staff writer Mike Jensen at 215-854-4489 or mjensen@phillynews.com.
By 3 p.m., Richardson had performed two surgeries, on a horse from Philadelphia Park with a leg fracture, and on a warmbloodhorse at the Kennett Square facility.
"Fairly routine stuff," Richardson said.
Was he successful keeping his mind away from Barbaro?
"No, not always - in surgery, yes," he said. "I can keep my mind on exactly what I'm doing when I'm working. But when you have quiet moments, it's hard. When I woke up this morning, it was hard."
Asked about those first thoughts of the morning, Richardson paused.
"You miss him," Richardson said during a short interview. "There's a big hole in your life. And you're down to feeling like, you know, like you failed. So you're bound to feel like that. It's normal."
The day after the Kentucky Derby winner was euthanized, Richardson's colleagues from around the country had been calling in. Hearing their praise and comfort doesn't change what he's feeling.
"Because you wanted the horse so badly to survive," Richardson said. "To me, the goal wasn't achieved. We didn't save the horse. I'm not embarrassed or ashamed or anything like that about what we did. But it's still so profoundly disappointing, that it's hard not to feel like you've let him down."
Flowers from around the country were brought to Barbaro's stall, but don't expect it to turn into a memorial.
"That stall will be used," Richardson said. "I would hope it would be used very soon. It's not about the stall. The horse is missing. He'll be remembered."
Barbaro's surgeon said he would get to the ICU unit later in the afternoon. There was another patient that he had to see.
"I do have to go back there," he said. "I guess what I'm saying [is] that I should."
Owners say Barbaro inspires talk of a museum for great local race horses. A1.
Contact staff writer Mike Jensen at 215-854-4489 or mjensen@phillynews.com.
