BABES AND BEER go together like mud and wrestling - which is to say, it's a guy thing.

Which, incidentally, explains why so many women reach for the grape instead of grain.

Their first taste of suds came at a noisy high-school party where dull-witted boyfriends did keg stands and guzzled cheap suds from a bong. It was all about quantity: drink enough to work up the courage for back-seat sex.

If that didn't leave a bad taste, then all those grimace-inducing, cleavage-enhanced Coors commercials sure did the trick.

So we'll excuse the ladies while they pour themselves a merlot.

Not so fast: Christina Perozzi and Hallie Beaune would like a word with the distaff dispossessed, and the word is "flavor." Forget those pale, lifeless, low-cal lagers they call "chick beer," the two Southern Californians write in their new book, "The Naked Pint" (Perigee, $19.95) - today's new craft beers offer dynamic flavors that wine can never match.

Though their fun, well-written book will be enjoyed by both men and women just dipping into the craft-beer pool, Perozzi and Beaune's toes are decidedly clad in 5-inch stiletto heels.

Indeed, in a world where most beer geeks look like . . . well, me, Perozzi and Beaune are standouts.

Both have decent beer chops: Perozzi, named "best beer sommelier" by Los Angeles magazine, founded the popular Beer for Chicks blog. Beaune is the beer pro at Father's Office, in Santa Monica, Calif.

They proudly write that they built careers in beer without getting their T-shirts wet. Better yet, they take special glee in dumbfounding gawking guys with their hoppy knowledge.

"The ones who they think they know more than me," Perozzi told me in a phone conversation earlier this month, "those are the ones I like to have fun with."

Their advice ("How to Get the Beer You Want") reads like something out of Cosmopolitan.

First, know what you want. You might prefer an ale, but asking for an ale at a bar is like going onto Match.com and looking for brown-haired dates, they write. "If you do, every brown-haired freak under the sun is going to think you have extremely low standards . . .

"Like sex," they continue, "specifics are best. And also like sex, you probably know what you really like but are afraid to ask for it. . . . Some people are embarrassed about doing the 'dirty talk,' so practice in the mirror, look yourself in the eye and say, 'Nutty, chocolaty.' "

Sounds kinky.

But the advice is important, because women have been letting men make their drink decisions for too long. Perhaps intimidated by arcane brewing terms and the manliness of a beer-soaked barroom, they allow their date to choose the pint. When they get the nerve to belly up to the bar, they face a bartender who tells them to try something light or low-alcohol or fruity.

What she really wants tonight is something strong, dark and knee-buckling malty, like an imperial stout.

"Yes," they write, "size matters." Especially when it comes to barley wine. One of their favorites: Big Woody, the 10.75 percent alcohol monster from Glacier Brewhouse in Anchorage, Alaska.

Meanwhile back at home, chuck that wimpy bottle of Chablis that's taking up space in the fridge. Perozzi and Beaune say there's a beer for all situations, good or bad:

_ After work: Racer 5 IPA, with enough hops to "cut through all the b.s. your boss spewed at you all day."

_ The in-laws are coming: Duvel, strong but light-colored, so they'll think it's a low-alcohol pilsner.

_ Gonna get laid: Deus, a romantic, Champagne-like ale whose high alcohol "greases the wheels."

Now, that's what I call chick beer.

Perozzi and Beaune will launch their book in Philadelphia on Monday with a beer dinner at Fork Restaurant & Bar (306 Market St., Old City).

Fork owner Ellen Yin has organized a fun twist to this launch, featuring several area women in the beer business and their brews, including:

 
_ Suzanne Woods, a sales rep for Sly Fox and the blogger who founded In Pursuit of Ale, a women's beer club.

 
_ Sebbie Buhler, the longtime East Coast sales rep for Oregon's Rogue Ales and the well-recognized face on bottles of
 
Rogue Chocolate Stout, which will be served with dessert.

_ Megan Maguire, the pride of Cardinal Dougherty and the regional rep for New York's Brewery Ommegang.

 
_ Whitney Thompson, brewer at Victory Brewing, with sales rep Tracy Mulligan.

 
_ Wendy Domurat, sales rep at Dogfish Head, who's bringing her brewery's
 
Raison d'Etre to be paired with the main course, smoked duck breast.

_ Jodi Stoudt, the second-generation face of Pennsylvania's oldest craft brewery, Stoudt's Brewing, of Adamstown.

Beer pours: 6:30 p.m. Tix: $55. Reservations and info: 215-625-9425.
 
 

"Joe Sixpack" by Don Russell appears weekly in Big Fat Friday. For more on the beer scene in Philly and beyond, visit www.joesixpack.net. Send e-mail to joesixpack@phillynews.com.