Photos: 2009 Phillies 
And if you're older, you are almost certainly a bit rusty. (Running down Broad Street with your pants off, I can assure you, is a young man's game.)
At the risk of completely jinxing the home team, and in the interest of public safety, allow me to offer Joe Sixpack's World Series Survival Guide.
_ Drink beer.
This is a no-brainer, of course, because from the Ballantine scoreboard to the Milwaukee Brewers, baseball equals beer. Spray all the Champagne you want, just don't put the bottle to your mouth.
Honestly, why celebrate America's pastime with a product made in France (or, worse, California)?
_ Don't drink anything made in Florida.
This includes orange juice, Geritol and Yuengling that is bottled in (gasp!) Tampa. Luckily, the Yuengling served in Philly is brewed in Pottsville, Pa.
_ Drink a sixtel.
It's a mini keg that contains a little more than two cases - just enough for you and a few friends to polish off during a game. All you need is a bucket of ice, a party pump and a bunch of cups.
Keep it cold, and the beer will stay fresh till Game 7 (if necessary). It's even light enough to take on the road. They're available at specialty distributors throughout the region.
_ Drink local.
Supporting the home team doesn't just mean wearing a red cap. This is a moment for Philadelphia pride. This week, you need to be eating scrapple for breakfast, Tastykakes for dessert and a locally made craft beer during the game.
Yards, Philadelphia Brewing, Flying Fish, Stoudt's, Troegs, Weyerbacher, Dogfish Head and the aptly named Victory should be filling your fridge.
_ If you're headed to the game:
Chickie's & Pete's (1526 Packer Ave., South Philly).
The Tap Room on 19th (19th and Ritner streets, South Philly).
South Philly Tap Room (1509 Mifflin St., South Philly).
_ If you're serious about the game:
Connie Mac's Irish Pub (8000 Crescent Blvd., Pennsauken, N.J.).
Harrington's Pub (7226 Frankford Ave., Mayfair).
Whiskey Tango Tavern (14000 Bustleton Ave., Somerton).
The Draught Horse (1431 Cecil B. Moore Ave., Temple campus).
The New Deck Tavern (3408 Sansom St., University City).
_ If you're serious about the beer:
O'Neal's (611 S. 3rd St., South Street area).
Fox and Hound Smokehouse and Tavern (1501 Spruce St., Center City).
Just Sports (600 New Rodgers Road, Bristol).
McMenamin's Tavern (7170 Germantown Ave.).
P.J. Whelihan's Pub, locations in South Jersey and Blue Bell.
Flanigan's Boathouse (113 Fayette St., Conshohocken).
_ If you're serious about the beer and the game:
Stay home. A crowded bar is the worst place to enjoy the subtleties of the game, and you've got plenty of good brew in the den.
Drinking games.
Take a hit every time:
* Ryan Howard points his bat to the centerfield fence.
* Fox runs a promo for "The Sarah Connor Chronicles."
* Tim McCarver says something dumb.
* The camera zooms in on a celebrity.
_ Shane Victorino gets beaned.
Be creative.
Design your own Phillies championship label and glue it to one of your bottles. Guaranteed, it will become a cherished keepsake while you wait . . . and wait for the next Phillies trophy.
Immediately after the final out, head to the nearest busy corner.
Don't worry, the crowd will show up. In 1980, police estimated there were no fewer than 25 separate locations in the city with crowds of at least 5,000 fans. Some of the top hot spots:
* Frankford and Cottman avenues.
* Anywhere on Broad between the stadiums and City Hall.
* Main Street, Manayunk.
* Kensington and Allegheny avenues.
* 52nd Street between Walnut and Market.
Obey the cops.
The police are fans, but they will not be amused if you decide to shimmy up a light pole. In '80, there were more than 100 arrests, mainly for robbery and assault. You really don't want to wake up in a holding cell.
Do not be tempted to remove any articles of clothing.
Unless you have some desire to become one of those jackass Internet celebrities.
Know when to go home.
Celebrations take a dangerous turn about 2 hours after the last out. Some idiot tosses a bottle, someone pulls a knife, a mob tries to overturn a SEPTA bus. It only gets uglier. You'll have plenty of time to scream your lungs out at the parade. *
"Joe Sixpack" by Don Russell appears weekly in Big Fat Friday. For more on the beer scene in Philly and beyond, visit www.joesixpack.net. Send e-mail to joesixpack@phillynews.com.
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