YOUR GAS TANK is empty, your home is in foreclosure, and your little ones go to bed with empty tummies. Worse than that, Budweiser just announced it's jacking up prices.

How are we going to survive hard times without cheap beer?

Dry those tears - here's Joe Sixpack's Recession-Numbing Survival Guide.

Do the math I

The first thing to remember is that we're talking beer. You can still buy a world-class craft beer for under $40 a case, equal to just $1.66 a bottle. Drink three of 'em for 5 bucks - then try to find a single bottle of decent wine at that price.

But it's not just about the bottom line. You want good value for your buck.

Sure, you can still find a $15 case out there, but at that price you get what you pay for. In the case of, say, Keystone Light or Old Milwaukee, that would be corn, hop extract and lots of H2O.

Do the math II

The other number you need to look for is ABV - alcohol by volume. The higher the alcohol, the more the malt. More malt usually means more hops and, usually, more complexity in flavor.

More ingredients usually means a higher price, too. Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA (9 percent ABV), for example, is about $6 to $9 a sixpack more than 60 Minute IPA (6 percent ABV).

But if you know your ABV, you can find very good bargains.

Stoudt's Fat Dog, an exceptionally smooth, easy-drinking imperial oatmeal stout with huge chocolate notes, rings your chimes at 9 percent alcohol (about double a typical lager), yet costs just $2.50 for a single.

North Coast Cru D'Or, a Belgian-style dubbel from California, is 8 percent alcohol at $6.99 for a four-pack - about the same price you'd shell out for the considerably weaker and less interesting Bass Ale.

Caveat: It's not just about the buzz. Cheap, mainstream malt liquor like Mickey's uses corn syrup to boost the alcohol, and thus lacks anything remotely resembling character.

If the least expensive high is what you're looking for, allow me to direct you to the vodka aisle at the State Store and the bottom shelf, where they stack the gallon jugs.

Do it yourself

Ingredient prices are up for homebrewers, too, so the savings is not quite what you'd expect. After you lay out $100 for gear, the ingredients for a case will cost you about $20, maybe $25 if you splurge.

If you're careful with basic instructions (sterilize everything!), you can make a brew that's equal to a famous brand that would cost you two or three times that much.

Drive to Jersey

It's true, beer is cheaper in Cherry Hill than in Philly - at least, if you buy by the bottle or sixpack.

A sixpack of Heavy Seas Peg Leg Imperial Stout will run you about $11 in Pennsylvania. I found it at Total Wine for $7.99. A single bottle of Weyerbacher Hop Infusion costs $2.75 in Philly but just $1.99 in Glassboro.

Cases are another story, with Pennsylvania distributors passing along decent savings, especially on macro lagers. Yuengling Lager goes for $14.99 in South Philly and $16.98 in Camden.

Two-buck suds

Each Wednesday from 5-7 p.m. this summer, dozens of local restaurants and bars are pouring discount drafts and serving half-price appys as part of Center City Sips. That's just $2 for the likes of Blanche de Bruxelles at Jose Pistola's (15th and Spruce streets) or Allagash White at Marathon Grill (16th and Sansom streets).

For details, visit www.centercityphila.org.

A sixpack of values

Spaten Optimator: $1.49/12-ounce bottle. 7.2 percent ABV. An outstanding double bock from Germany with caramel/chocolate flavor and a creamy body. One of the great steals of all time.

Monk's Cafe Flemish Sour Red Ale: $56/case. 5.5 percent ABV. An authentic tart, funky Belgian ale brewed for Philly's landmark tavern. Compare to $140 for Liefmans Goudenband.

Bear Republic Racer 5: $4.49/22-ounce bottle. 7 percent ABV. Do the math: A bomber of this classic West Coast IPA is worth almost two small bottles.

Saranac Black and Tan: $1.29/12-ounce bottle. 5.4 percent ABV. This one's an easy sipper with a sweet finish, but I could've named nearly any Saranac brand as a good value.

Troegs Sunshine Pils: $1.49/12-ounce bottle. 5.3 percent ABV. A masterfully brewed pilsner for a buck and a half? Pilsner Urquell is the same price, but I guarantee the one from Harrisburg is fresher.

Gaffel Kolsch: $44/case. 4.8 percent ABV. This classic Cologne brew is about $20 cheaper than the more highly regarded kolsch from Reissdorf. Want to save even more for the same style? Try Kenzinger from Philadelphia Brewing at just $28 a case.

Can't find these brands? Look for any of the year-round labels from Ommegang, Unibroue, Heavy Seas and Southampton. I've always thought those guys produced styles equal to the best in the world but at a substantially reduced cost. (Please don't tell them, though, they might jack up the prices.)

Joe Sixpack at the Library

David Maraniss, Stefan Fatsis and Joe Sixpack - that's the heady lineup of authors speaking at the Free Library of Philadelphia (1901 Vine St., Logan Square) this month. Guess which one's talking about beer.

I'll be jabbering at 7 p.m. Wednesday. It's free and, yes, there will be beer . . . at a special after-party starting at 9 p.m. at McGillin's Old Ale House (1310 Drury St., Center City).

Join me for two-buck drafts of featured microbrews and lemme sign your copy of "Joe Sixpack's Philly Beer Guide: A Reporter's Notes on the Best Beer-Drinking City in America" (Camino Books, $14.95).

"Joe Sixpack" by Don Russell appears weekly in Big Fat Friday. For more on the beer scene in Philly and beyond, visit www.joesixpack.net. Send e-mail to joesixpack@phillynews.com.