Which sounds ideal, except ...

"Sometimes I feel like arranging a date night is just one more thing to put on my plate," Valerie Rey admits. "It becomes a chore setting one up."

Still, she's vigilant about making them happen, even if it just means hitting the gym together and grabbing a bite to eat afterward.

"We both really miss our relationship the way it was before kids," she says. "We love the kids, but we are working on redefining fun."

And that, say relationship experts, is the key to a successful marriage.

"We've all been there, where the last thing you want to do is put on makeup and go out," says Julia Stone , co-author of "Babyproofing Your Marriage," (HarperCollins, $24.95), "but you can keep it simple, and it can occur at home. You can have a tablecloth and a takeout meal, as long as there are no electronic gadgets on and no kids awake."

And as long as they occur semi-regularly.

"It's easy to put your marriage on hold for a while," Stone says. "You're both adults and you can live on the scraps for a while. We compare marriage to a houseplant; it will die of neglect if you don't take care of it. It doesn't need heavy maintenance, but it does need some watering."

Emma Sullivan , a Chicago lawyer, is a date-night pro. Her kids are 4, 2 and 4 weeks, and she has been out with her husband since her newborn arrived.

"When my mom was in town to help, we took advantage of the free sitter and had a post-third-child night out," Sullivan says. "We just went around the corner to a German restaurant and had a couple drinks, but it was really good to have some adult time."

Sullivan says they've done regular date nights since their first child was born, and she's usually in charge of planning them.

"If I left it to him, we'd go to a lot more movies," she says. "I like to go to more restaurants and bars so we have time to talk. It's really hard at home to have an uninterrupted conversation with my husband."

Stone says couples shouldn't get too hung up on who's planning the nights out but warns that one partner shouldering all the responsibility can lead to resentment.

"You don't need to over-engineer it," Stone says. "A little effort on both people's part makes a huge difference. Women always want to feel wooed and like you're worth the effort. And guys want to feel valued and not relegated to the sidelines after a baby is born."

And a willingness to accept reality never hurts.

"I'll always be in charge of date night, and he'll always be in charge of getting the oil changed," says Smith. "I have to be happy with the current situation. If not, I will be back to watching 'Barney' and having takeout pizza on Saturday nights."

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