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Jenice Armstrong: Michelle's dating tips

FIRST LADY Michelle Obama graces the cover of the December issue of Glamour.

What's even more interesting is that in the accompanying article, she gives dating advice. Given that all the single women I know who are searching for their own version of Barack Obama, her advice is worth paying attention to.

"Cute's good. But cute only lasts for so long, and then it's, 'Who are you as a person?' Don't look at the bankbook or the title. Look at the heart. Look at the soul," Obama says. "When you're dating a man, you should always feel good . . . You shouldn't be in a relationship with somebody who doesn't make you completely happy and make you feel whole."

And once you're in a relationship, the first lady also warns against ignoring your own needs as so many of us tend to do. "I have always tried to put my kids first, and then . . . put myself a really close second, as opposed to fifth or seventh. One thing that I've learned from male role models is that they don't hesitate to invest in themselves."

By the way, the first lady looks exceptionally glamorous on the cover with her hair pinned up. I guess this makes her an official Glamour fashion do as opposed to a fashion don't.


 

 

Speaking of relationships, news that Ivanka Trump converted to Judaism before marrying Sunday was the subject of much watercooler conversation as second-guessers debated whether converting to your husband's religion is a wise move for a prospective bride.

It makes things easier. But getting married is life-altering enough, and then to add the adoption of a new religion to the mix has to be a huge adjustment.

I was curious what marriage experts have to say on this touchy subject so I sent out some feelers earlier this week. Edmund C. Case, founder of InterfaithFamily.com, e-mailed me in return, pointing out, "We don't think conversion should be 'pushed' by one partner and we don't think a person should convert just for the purpose of having the same religion as his or her mate."

Through a spokesperson, family law attorney Lynne Z. Gold-Bikin said she has seen women convert to their husband's religion and become even more serious about it than their husbands. But the reverse happens, too.

In the end, though, the only smart thing to do is to follow your heart: "Religion is a very personal thing and you shouldn't convert for someone else's reasons; you should convert for your own reasons," Gold-Bikin says."


 

A single friend of mine used to buy entire birthday cakes to eat by herself in her apartment.

When I asked her about it, she admitted to me that she wasn't cutting off a slice to nibble on every now and then, but consuming massive quantities in one sitting. She was a classic binge-eater, someone who ate compulsively and afterward regretted it. She'd try to make up for what she'd eaten by dieting, only to fail and binge again.

Women of all races are guilty of this kind of disordered eating. It turns out, though, that more white female college students exhibit binge behavior than black undergraduates, according to a new study funded by Temple University. Somewhere along the way, though, black women catch up and start binge- eating in similar numbers.

"We are trying to figure out when the diet trajectory changes, and when it is that African-Americans start to exhibit these behaviors," said Melissa Napolitano, lead researcher on the study and a psychologist at Temple's Center for Obesity Research and Education.

It may turn out that the differences in reporting binge-eating may be due to perceived portion sizes, as well as cultural factors.

"These women could be binge-

eating, but they may have less anxiety and distress surrounding their eating habits, so they don't recognize it as an issue," Napolitano said.

Given the soaring obesity rates among women, particularly black women, this is an area in which much more research is needed.

Send e-mail to heyjen@phillynews.com. My blog: http://go.philly.com/heyjen.

Comments   
Posted 08:07 AM, 10/29/2009
GalRand
Nice to see the 1st lady trying to be a negotiator of this type, but she is swimming upstream on this one, in a fight, that was created many years before, with media manipulation brain frying too many females. Even if this bad economy of last 14 months, every female I talk to, still puts $$$$ as numero uno priority in a guy.
Posted 09:45 AM, 10/29/2009
cooldave
Nice column Jenice, but reality and human nature beg to differ. I am a well educated morally sound black man and I pride myself with being responsible and true to my word. I have known too many black men who are good earners, responsible, and morally grounded decent people who have been dragged through the mud by women who only want more or better. It never occurs to them that on any given day each and every one of us can do more or better...but what is at the core of this problem is narcisism, avarice, and the belief that men owe them women a better life and all that can be desired. In this day and age, women still cling to the belief that men are responsible for their happiness. The sad thing is that these women have no idea of what true happiness is nor how to recognize it when it presents itself. Sad to say, I have all but given up trying to find a mate from this deluded and unhappy(cess) pool. God bless both you & Mrs. Obama, but the real world is not anywhere near as pretty as both of you would have us to believe.
Posted 10:21 AM, 10/29/2009
cosmosmom
Cooldave: Points well taken. My experience is different though. I am a woman, well educated, divorced with no children, spirtual, enjoy doing volunteer work when I can, etc. I find that people want style over substance. When I meet someone, what I first want to know is, "who is he and what type of person is he? What does he value? If all I get is information about his job and his money, I move on. I stopped dating about five years ago because I needed the time to be by myself. I enjoy growing as a person. I am not waiting for anyone to come into my life to make me whole, because that is my responsibility. What I have done is ask my Higher Power to help me find the right person, a man of substance. In the meantime, I will continue to live my life, growing, giving, improving myself, and striving to experience some measure of joy each day.
Posted 10:52 AM, 10/29/2009
cooldave
Cosmosmom: somehow somewher someday I hope we meet. You are a quality person who has given me hope that my search is not in vain. May God continue to bless you and maybe, with a little help from Him, we can bridge the gulf that separtes those of us of like mind. My God grant you peace and serenity in your sorjourn through life.
Posted 12:26 PM, 10/29/2009
Jenice Armstrong
@Cooldave and cosmosmom. I'm glad cooldave responded because I was thinking that the two of you should meet. You both sound like great, thinking, self-aware people. I hope you'll let me know if you do get together.
Comment removed.
Posted 02:08 PM, 10/29/2009
cosmosmom
Cooldave and Jenice: Thanks for the kind words. If you want to reach me, I am a member of the First Unitarian Church of Philadelphia. My minister is Rev. Nathan Walker. He would be happy to take a message from you for me if you want to say hello.
Posted 03:16 PM, 10/29/2009
The Truth Hurts
Nobody states the obvious better than Jenice does.
Posted 03:28 PM, 10/29/2009
cosmosmom
Where did my comment go?
Posted 04:09 PM, 10/29/2009
cosmosmom
Never mind. My comment was published!
Comment removed.
Posted 05:28 PM, 10/29/2009
MrsDamian
Hey Jen.... Maybe you could talk to the DN techies and find a way for cosmosmom & cooldave to meet? :-) Hmm...now wouldn't THAT make for an interesting story!
Posted 11:51 PM, 11/13/2009
concernedguy
cooldave my brother; while i share your concern let me share mine as your brother. cosmosmom stated something i just went through with a long term relationship. i love all my sisters and brothers, however some have lost their way. there is nothing wrong with having the good things in life. it's when some make those good things the essence of their life. thats vanity. for me i search for a woman who is complete. by that i mean she is politically inspired, involved inside the community, teaches, directs, motivates others to greatness. be independent, will understand who she is and has a keen awareness of our history.she will defend her man, yet dig in his a--- when need to. some of us have taken on the behaviors of others and that has created all this turmoil within our people. i need style along with substance to wake me in the morning bro. cool and sis cosmom.
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